Things that Make My Brain Hurt. LOL.

#1 Relationship Talks and Guys Who Don't Get It

I swear for God! I'm about to kill a man. lol. Everything is copacetic between me and Mister but he is still persistent on being in an official relationship. I'm starting to understand how people can get "trapped" into a relationship. I had to have another talk with him yesterday. All this talking is wrecking my brains man. I want to go play :-(


#2 Older Women Who Respond To Relationships Like 20-year-olds

My aunt from North Carolina called me on Saturday saying "NiNi, I want you to hear this sound"....next thing I know I hear a bunch of glass breaking. She picks up the phone and says "Wasn't that just a beautiful sound?". Then she proceeded to tell me that she was busting out the windows of her boyfriend's truck with a sledgehammer because she found it outside his baby mother's house. After he came out the house and there were a lot of "fuck yous" going back and forth, my aunt got in her car because his baby mother started dialing the police. When she was leaving she said to me "Girl, 911 was called into work tonight. Classy ladies don't get arrested!." My aunt was heated considering she left her husband to be with homeboy. I thought the whole situation was funny as hell. I was dying on the phone laughing my ass off....I was in tears. I wish I could have recorded the whole conversation. And this crazy chic, calls me again on Sunday talking about she called her husband that same night and said "I'm coming home because I got your message and I just do not want to hurt you anymore"...of course she did not tell him the real story. Sunday morning this chic was at the mall in the jewelry store picking out a new wedding ring because she got rid of her old one when she left her husband. He told her that she could get a new one. My aunt is the slickest bitch I know. I would go into detail regarding this story but I frankly do not feel like writing it all.

Even though it was a good laugh. It was a story I expected to hear from one of my homegirls...I'm not saying that my aunt isn't like a homegirl because I LOVE her to death but...I be damned if I'm 36 years old and find myself in the same relationship predicaments and responding the same way to them like I was when I was in my 20s. I just think that my a certain age, you should be able to keep your emotions in check. I'd say after the age of 27, rationalism should take precedence over emotionalism.


#3 Over Symbolism of Life Events

I'm realizing that people make too big of a deal of the symbolism surrounding the New Year. Everyone looks at it as a clean slate so to speak. I think that the New Year is a good starting point for people who want to make changes in their life...but come on people! It's really not that serious. New Years is really not that deep for real. It's a party holiday if you ask me. Yes it's good to set it as a marker for new goals...but I'm getting tired of people over reflecting the events of 2007 and the symbolism behind the beginning of 2008. 2007 was what it was and 2008 will be what it will be. Just go with it and enjoy the present moment.


#4 Black Men

Before I continue, I must say that I am completely head over heels in love with Black men. I am without a doubt 100% attracted to black men and black men only (or some variation...like halfies). I have no physical urge to be with white men, latino, etc....I have met exceptions to the rule but they have been very few and very far between. I'm not prejudice or anything...you cannot help who you are physically attracted to.

The reason why black men have made it on my list for things that make my brain hurt despite the fact that I LOVE them oh so much is due to the fact that I'm a sister who is 100% about her shit. When you are a black woman who is making HUGE moves in her life and you know, not plan, but know that you are going to get to a certain level, the dating pool is very slim. Almost close to non-existent. At least at this age.

I probably will not be able to start seriously dating until I reach a professional level. The guys that I deal with now are really not on my level...they do not even come close. The guys who I date and deal with while I'm back at home do not have shit on the guys that I date and deal with at school. It's two completely different worlds of men.

It's the adults versus the teenagers as it seems. Guys back at home seem to be stuck in this teenage stage and they cannot seem to get out of it. I understand it, which is why I tolerate it but in the long-run it will NEVER work for me. The guys from back at home do not even know that there exist a whole nother side to Courtney beyond drinking, writing, smarts, and chillin. I am heavily involved with community affairs, they have never seen me exhibit the extent of my professionalism.....there is a whole part of me that they will never be able to experience because they themselves are glued to the floor. I like people who can really take part in ME...every aspect of it. When I am dealing with people from back at home (not guys but in general), I feel like I revert back to a teenage mindset....whereas when I'm away, I feel like a full fledge adult.

My friends outside of Baltimore are working for Fortune 500 companies, working with the CIA, FBI, living in other countries...and the friends back at home are stuck in this box. There are not that many minorities on the outside of this box but many of them who remain on the inside. Even when you talk to them, their perspectives are very short-sighted and limited.

I get so so frustrated because I really want my Black men to step there game up. I defend them everyday to the outside-the-box people but it's getting harder and harder to when they themselves are not trying to rise above their current conditions.