Happy Anniversity: There is Glory in Power

All those who personally know me, know the significance of that title...and I'll leave it at that.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Turkey Day Vacay. Mines was not that exciting but it was aight. I was happy to see Jaylen, Jelauni, Aniyah, and Tristan (aka Shaun) because they are definitely the loves of my life right now.

N e ways, with the start of the holiday season I wanted to touch base on a couple of very important issues that came up over the holidays with a few people that I know. Even though the holidays is spent with family and close friends, for some, the holidays are the most loneliest times of the year. It's something that everyone hears time and time again but no one has really asked or explored the question as to why? I'm a person who has never felt comfortable sitting with a problem so you have to know the WHY for any given situation in order to find a solution.

Even though this problem does not necessarily pertain to me, I know that holiday isolation is something that effects a vast majority of people.

I always experience a bit of a culture shock when I come home...only because my life in Baltimore is so incredibly different from my life in Pittsburgh and I always find that I have to readjust. Every time I come home, it feels that I am flooded and hounded with people's issues. It does not necessarily bother me because I know how it feels when life really starts kicking you in the ass. But at the same time, I do not want to drag my life backwards. I have become so forward looking that being around others who are still trying to get a handle of life makes me feel like I am being dragged back into the past.

I find that holiday loneliest has a lot to do with the forward lookers vs. the historians...it is about the optimist vs. the pessimist. I think that culturally, blacks especially those in Bmore, are taught to be invincible. But our habit of invincibility is misdirected. We are so afraid of looking weak that we habitually make excuses for ourselves instead of taking control of our life and making the changes we need to make.

For instance, in a discussion with a relative, we discussed about not having a significant other around the holidays. I took the position that I am just as happy around the holidays sharing my life with someone else as I am being alone. She took the position that she is learning how to practice cooking and cleaning house so she can be more attractive to a man so she will no longer have to spend the holidays alone. I think to be more attractive to man she needed to learn to stop smoking and being so promiscuous. She agreed but at the same time started psychoanalyzing why she has a hard time stopping smoking and how much she needs sex for stress relief. And in many conversations that I have had with friends and family, sex, drugs, and "rock-n-roll" tend to be ways that my people use as coping mechanisms.

My question to them: WHY DON'T THEY JUST CRY? or even better...why don't they just scream to the top of their lungs? I myself am not a cryer but at the same time, I have learned to be able to sit and be comfortable with my feelings be it good or bad. I was not able to reach that point until I was really able to let my pride go. My sense of self and my emotions are heavily aligned. I find it interesting that people find crying and just taking a day to whil the fuck out, as being out of control...but in reality, those are considered healthy coping mechanisms and sex, drugs, and manipulative jealousies are really what is out of control.

Furthermore, I think that holiday loneliest is a symptom of those who generally feel powerless. In Bmore, everyone is so bent on proving how real they are and how courageous they are when in reality the majority, if not damn near all of them, are so far from real. When it is all said in done, most people are putting on a show for other people. A real person is not afraid to show their flaws. A real person is not afraid to have opinions that go against the majority. A courageous person is not afraid to be vulnerable. A courageous person is not afraid to stand for what is right. We stand up more for the wrong things than the right things...and it has nothing to do with a lack of morale...it is more about maintaing this false sense of power. And because this power is manufactured, it leaves many people to feel isolated.

I am learning that life is filled with many powerless individuals. I am not saying this arrogantly. Rather, I am saying this because it is sad and I wish that it was different.


Maltilda


"I am glad you feel so powerful. Many people don't feel powerful at all" - Miss. Honey

I used this movie because in it the girl was very different and everything positive about her was thought to be negative. But despite it all, she was a very powerful girl. Unfortunately, for those who know the movie, the Wormwoods and Miss. Trenchbal are much like many Baltimorans today.