Okay so I was rereading my past posts and realized that even though I have decided to discuss certain issues without involving my personal life, impersonality may get a little dull. Especially since I deem my personal life and personal thoughts to be rather interesting (at least that is what I have been told). At the same time, I still value my privacy and do want to focus more on sitting my ass down and really writing.
With that said, I decided on a happy compromise between the two. I decided that periodically I was going to publish a post called Getting In My Head where I would write down all my most random thoughts as they randomly come in my head. It is a good way to be impersonally personal (if that makes any sense).
So here we go....round 1.....
All I can say right now is EWWWWWW. This is my first time sharing a room while at school and I got stuck with the white nympho. I do not have any concrete proof, but I'm sure that that white girl from Texas masturbates more than once throughout the night. One time she screamed out I'm cumming. I just put the pillow on my head and thought she's just talkin in her sleep. But last night was the icing on the cake because I swear for God, she spent the whole night masturbating.
The worst part was not her subtle moaning...but it was the SMELL! It's midterm week so maybe the increase in her nymphatic behavior is due to stress....but come on give me a break or at least open a window. When she's not home, I go and spray perfume all over her bed in hopes that that white people sex smell leaves the room. I can understand people having needs, but is it that serious where you cannot control yourself when you share a room? EEEEEEWWWWWWW! If you are going to do that shit, get a single....or do it in your car....do it somewhere other than in front of me. It's called consideration. And I have smelled sex...and let me tell you...the white people sex smell is HORENDOUS. EEEEEEWWWWW! It smells like wet dog...or that smell in your shoes after they get wet. That's so inappropriate.
Oh, and you should see this chic. EEEEEWWWW! She looks like an overweight pug whose face got run over by a car. In addition, she has a boyfriend so why the hell does she need to toy with herself. Hasn't she heard of a bootycall? If it's that serious that she has to masturbate with someone else in the room, she just needs to be slutty for her boyfriend, tell him she's horny, and then go fuck in the damn car.
I absolutely love my other two roomies. We are all in a two-bedroom, split level apartment and the other two share the other bedroom. Both of them are black and both are from Maryland. One is from Baltimore, the other from PG. The fact that I get along with them has nothing to do with the fact that they are black because as history will show you, I do not get along with the hatin ass black chis on this campus. I rarely connect with chics in general.
I hate it when girls say that they hate girls or that they do not get along with girls. I understand it but I think it's a little conflicting considering that they are one. It's like a black person saying they hate black people. I can get along with other women very well but for me, there is still a disconnect. I just cannot get into them. When they talk, all I hear is Japanese and I cannot comprehend. Their lips move but I have no clue what they are saying. All I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah.
Psychologically most women are right-brained thinkers and I took a test that said that I was whole-brained (which means you're a well-balanced thinker)but was skewed more toward the left-side. Men tend to be more left-brained thinkers. So overall, I tend to connect with men moreso than with women. I was so disappointed to hear that because men get on my nerves....they probably would not even get up and wash their ass in the morning if it were not for women.
Despite the fact that me and most women tend not to live on the same planet, because I am a woman I do have a desire to have a connection with other women. But I always feel out of place when I'm around them. It feels like I just stepped off a plane into some unknown foreign country where the rituals and the language is completely and utterly different from home. And when they show me hospitality and start talking to me in their foreign tongue while showing their white, shinny teeth...I feel like a monkey that's scratching it's head and needs a banana to be shoved in my mouth before I say something to make an ass out of myself.
With that said, it was a pleasant surprise to have two female roomates that I actually click with. I have a multitude of female friends but like I said, there is always this disconnect. Me and the chic from PG think a lot alike to the point that it's scary. Despite the fact that we are extremely compatible, it is hard being around someone who is the same sex and thinks like you. It's like you are slightly competing to maintain your individuality. Especially when both people pride themselves on their uniqueness. There isn't anything unique about similiarity. But the chic is off-the-chain and has me ROTFL because she is just as simple as I am!
The last and final roomie is the one from Baltimore, we both relate to people in the same way but we clash in other ways. I'm a very restless person so couch potatoes bore the HELL out of me to all frustration. She's an absolute sweetheart but WHY MUST SHE BE SO BORING! She is a very good conversationalist but she is definitely a homebody. I also think that she has a tendency to tell little white lies. I think because we are both from Baltimore, people expect us to have crazy life stories. That makes sense because most people in Baltimore have juicy lives. But let me tell you, this chic is definitely not one of them but I feel she makes stories up because she wants the attention.
She told me that she's been shot at before but when I mentioned one day about being downtown on Saratoga Street before going to the Harbor her response was "I do not live in the County so I do not know where Saratoga Street is". How do you live in the city all your life and not know where the hell Saratoga Street is? Evidently her mother keeps her homebody ass locked in the house which makes it hard for me to believe that she's ever been shot at. That and the fact that she cannot provide much detail to the story other than the fact she's been shot at.
My people, my people (sigh).
But then again, they think I'm hilariously crazy. They do not like me going out by myself because I always end up fighting. Last weekend, I slammed a dude up against a car (I'll save that story for a later date) and three weekends ago, I banged a chic in the face. Some people may see my bouts of aggression as released pinned up anger...but that is not the case. There is nothing in me that is angry...I simply just need an excuse to fuck with people because I think it's funny. I'm a bully. I hit the white girl not because I needed an anger release but because I just wanted an excuse to hit a white girl. That shit was hilarious.
I'm hungry but....
unfortunately I have decided that saving up for my spring break trip to the ATL was more important than food. I wish I had a pair of ruby slippers that I could click three times and just be there. I hate the traveling-to-get-there part. I am also excited that next week I get to return to Bmore and see my precious babies. That's the only reason why I'm coming to Bmore. If it was not for that, I would spend my whole break in the ATL and come straight back to the Burgh.
I'm going to visit my homegirl aka Jersey's sister. She moved to the ATL in August after our trip in June. Ugh....I hate the clic that I used to chill with. They are the most moranic bunch of Baltimorans that I have ever met. Dealing with them is a classic example of how you grow up with people and have a hard time letting them go when you move out away from the foolishness. But I have definitely outgrown them.
The strangest thing is that I had stopped chillin with them after a big blow out over the summer. I came back around in December because my homegirl from the ATL had come into town for the holidays. And you know what one of the other chics in the click said to me "Courtney, everyone is mad at me because they said that you don't come around because you do not think I fuck with you anymore. But I want you to know that I fuck with you." When she said that I was like huh. No no boo boo, they have it all backwards...I stopped coming around because I do not fuck with them.
(will finish later)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Round 1 of Getting In My Head
Monday, March 3, 2008
In Response to a Post
Someone made a good point on my comments concerning the last topic I wrote about "Making Self-Investments: Giving Blacks A Dose of Medicine". I'm addressing the comment below and clarifying a point that I made:
No...I'm not saying that they have a right to be racist. In fact, I'm not drawing any conclusions at all. I was bringing up questions that have crossed my mind that I have yet to find an answer to. I do not know why the world view of blacks in general is the way it is. I brought up those questions because I was curious to know what other people think is the reason since I haven't got a clue.
I also know that if you are a person and the majority of your friends say you act a certain way, then more than 9 times out of 10 you do act a certain way. I'm not making any concrete assumptions because I do not have all the information (i.e. why Asians think the way they do towards blacks) but I am raising the fact that it is a possibility that the black community needs to start taking responsibility and that it is a possibility that we need to work on our value system.
I also want to clarify what I regard as the black community. When I talk about blacks, I am talking primarily about blacks in the US. We are even looked down by Africans and black Caribbeans. The question is why are we the world's most hated?
Yes racism/prejudice is bad but, just like we have self-righteous reasons for certain actions or inactions that we undertake, is it possible that the other side has self-righteous reasons for thinking what they think?
It is always hard to solve problems when you make one-sided arguments. The best way to overcome a problem is to look at it from multiple angles and then find a common ground. Most of the time when we examine race relations, we look at it from a national perspective (i.e. whites vs. blacks) and forget about global implications (i.e. the world vs. blacks).
On a national level, we are very much oppressed and have been undermined, devalued, and misunderstood. The source of this has always been slavery. But globally we are undermined and devalued...the only positive thing is that they like our "look" because they think we are exotic. What is the source of this?
I think that the black community is nationally oppressed but that does not mean that we do not have a lot of work to do culturally. Our value system has a very fragile foundation. And that's another question that needs to be looked into...why is the value system in the black culture so fragile? The more "why"s we answer, the better we can sustain our culture and become a successful and productive race.
Then again, there are some that may argue that race is relative and may wonder...Why is race important at all? Especially those who wholeheartedly believe in individualism.
Now that I have mentioned individualism...maybe that is a source of the problem with our value system. Americans in general, regardless of race, sets it's principles on individualism. But there is a possibility that the black community are more individualistic then anyone else. The more a culture values individualism, the less they value collectivism. Extremes on any scale is usually a bad thing. There has to be a trade off between the two.
Blacks are seen as having strong spirituality....but how effective is spirituality when it's not practiced. It makes us a culture of hypocrisy. Our words and actions never match. Anyone who has taken a class on philosophy or ethics should know that hypocrisy is irrational. It is our hypocrisy that may be the reason as to why the world looks at us the way it does...to them we are a culture of irrationality.
Once again, I'm not making any conclusions I'm just entertaining possibilites. Nothing I'm saying is my personal concrete way of thinking.
