GIRLFRIEND SWAP

Two of my favorite shows on the telly right now is Wife Swap and Trading Spouses (aside from my daily dose of Comedy Central). I've always been a person who has had an active interest in the differences between people and different ways of life. It's why I have found shows like these so interesting. Of course the purpose of this entry is not to ramble on and on about the shows but the premise of each one is that two families switch moms. Each mom rights a rule book about how their family is run. For the first week they live the rules of the house that they were placed and during the second week, each mom can impose their own rules. The producers of the shows almost always place each mom with a family that is completely opposite from their own. Needless to say, there is always a lot of contention. But at the end of the day, everyone usually takes something away from the other.

Watching this show made me start thinking what happens if they made a show called Girlfriend Swap. When I think about me and all my homegirls and I see how we are in our relationships, I realize just how judgemental we all can be regarding not just our lifestyles but our relationships. There are some of us who avidly hold the belief in having sex after marriage, some of us who believe in test driving the car before we buy it, some of us who believe in self-expression through sexual liberation, and some of us who just believe in having sex. Whatever you believe, what matters most is doing you. What matters second is that you understand and learn from others differences and understand the values that underlie their views.

It is easy when you are among friends since birds of a feather tend to flock together. But as you get older, the differences between you and your immediate circle can be drastic. For the sake of this entry, I'm not going to use my homegirls as examples. Instead, I want to talk about me and my roommates.

Of course, when you move away from home for whatever reason, finding your "type" of people is probably the most challenging thing. It's always fun to immerse yourself in a new place but at the same time, it is also a trying test in your belief system. This year in particular, me and my three roommates are so far from different it's amazing. However, we still manage not to kill each other. I guess the one common thing that we do have in common is that we are all pretty tolerant (with the exception of one of us).

As far as our relationships with men are concerned, our views are actually on four different planets. Two of the people in our house I jokingly consider to be asexual. Neither one of them has any dating experience or has been in a serious relationship. Their experience with men has been pretty close to nil. One of them is a virgin and the other believes in occasional sex with no strings attached. The remaining two (which includes myself) are habitual daters. I'm semi-retired from dating and am becoming more relationship oriented and she is a lot more date active.

The reason why I've brought up this topic is because me and my fellow habitual dating roommate occasionally but heads in terms of how we approach our relationships. By constantly butting heads with her in this area of life, it made me wonder exactly what is my relationship type? What type of relationship would I personally like to build? I like practical relationships and she is more of a sappy romantic (ewww...yuck!).

I like relationships where there is not a lot of talking. I like quiet, but intense romances where love is expressed physically and not verbally. When I say physically, I do not necessarily mean sexually (although that is definitely part of it). I mean I put more emphasis on touch in general and not words. Small little rubs on the back or on the leg is good enough for me. I'm not one who cares much about anniversaries or remembering birthdays. To me, I put more emphasis on someone who understands the difference between what I NEED and what I WANT. Shinny things like diamond rings are great from time to time, but it is not what makes a relationship a relationship. Holidays and anniversaries are nice but if you know that both of you care about each other, who needs proof? I have dated many guys who talk a good romantic game, I have dated guys who perform many romantic displays of affection....but many of those guys do not understand the true value of a partnership. I do not believe in being in love with love. I like guys who are only touchy feeling when it is just you and him...but when there is people around, he is doing him and you are doing you. I believe a relationship should be balanced where each person is equally masculine and feminine.

When it comes to the GIRLFRIEND SWAP, it is interesting just how detailed the differences are from what people expect from relationships. I think that until you actually find your life partner and start a family, most people do not even pay attention to their own personal details of what they themselves value and expect from a relationship. For instance, I have learned that I need someone who is health conscience. I never consciously thought this was important and never actively sought people who were like that but, I find that when I meet guys who are not very health conscience I get put off as if I have a bad taste in my mouth. One of the last guys that I dated got excited that a Papa John's was being built across the street from his house. He was dead serious about how he was going to eat there all the time. He was also a guy that every time I talked to him, he was chowing down on a sub. He was not fat and he had a nice body, but the only thing that I could think of was "if this mother fucker keeps eating the way he does and I continue to talk to him, I'll eventually be stuck with a fat person...yuck". I also think that guys who take care of their bodies have a sense a pride in themselves. I like men who like working out...and I like watching guys work out ;-).

I expect nothing but a lot of laughter in my relationships. I may be pratical but I am not pretentious. I am a comedy central junky so a person who can be jokingly politically incorrect is definitely my flavor. I like people who like to fuck with other people. Anal retentive people, type A personalities, and people who are consistently indifferent about everything need not apply. I like guys who are witty, sarcastic, and aside from their jobs and family, they do not take themselves seriously.

I like guys who like getting their hands dirty. For instance, when I was in Vegas, I wanted to get one of those go-cart thing thingys and ride around over the sand dunes in the desert. Those things look like fun! I could not do it while I was in Vegas because the season had ended. They will not let you do it if there is a code red outside. I want to do all the crazy foolishness like hang-gliding, white water rafting (I've done this), cliff diving, and scuba diving (bungie jumping however is out of the question). I do not like guys who are squemish about things like tattoos and bikes. I think guys like that are boring and bitchy (not unless they have some religious reason behind it). I like a guy who would play a game of 1-on-1 basketball with me and won't just let me win. Basically, I like boys who are boys...who like rollin in mud, playing video games, and are passionate about sports.

I absolutely HATE men who beat around the bush. It's impractical. You can get more things done and clear up more confusion by being direct. I do not like flowery language when guys talk to me. I like them to give it to me straight....good or bad.

As far as education is concerned, I want someone who has a good and steady job and that I can carry a good intellectual conversation with. I need someone who is financially stable and ambitious. Whatever legal means that they choose to meat those ends, is up to them. I do not necessarily need someone with a 4.0 degree from Harvard.

As far as sex is concerned, I like to test drive the car before I buy it. But, I still do my research before I visit the dealership. I do not like male whores...at the same time I do not like picky guys either (they tend to be really shallow and are critical about the way a gal dresses and acts). I like a guy who has so many other interests and things going on for him that he does not have time to concentrate on where his next orgasm is going to come from. At the same time, I like a guy who is accepting of his woman...flaws and all. I do need someone who is sexually open and experimental. Sexual prudes should keep it movin. I have a strong belief in sexual experimentation.

As far as religion is concerned, I know where I am at spiritually. However, I do not really know what I expect from a guy in this department. I do need him to at least believe in God. I do not think I could ever be with anyone who is agnostic or an atheist.

To contrast, and do a written GIRLFRIEND SWAP, I'll illustrate the relationship expectations of my adorable, lovable roomie. She is the type who requires a lot of romantic attention and physical expression tends to take a back seat. She likes guys who she can talk about politics, family, etc... . She is a stickler for traditionalism. A guy should call her and take her out on her birthday. She likes a lot of attention when her and her man are out in public. She expects constant acknowledgement. She too values health conscienciousness but for different reasons. I do not necessarily think she expects this from a guy but I believe she expects it from herself. She is very image conscience and believes that she must put make up on and stay super thin in order to please the guy she is with. From my own personal observation, I think she believes that both people in the relationship should have stereotypical feminine qualities. She is very turned off by guys who are too real, opinionated, or macho.

She is very pretentious. Although she likes to joke around and laugh, humor is only good as long as she remains the center of attention. She is not one who likes a guy to put on a show for her. Rather, she'd rather put on a show for the guy and receive a lot of praise. She likes guys who are very technical in speech. Talking out your ass just for fun is out of the question. It's not proper behavior. She likes to be spoiled and wants a guy who allows her to be bratty and needy.

She hates guys who get their hands dirty. She likes artistic-preppy type guys who like going out to plays, enjoy singing, and play tennis. She hates tattoos.

As far as education is concerned, she wants a top college graduate. She decided that she did not like dating this one guy because he was in Carnegie Mellon's graduate school. She said that Carnegie Mellon is a school you go to for undergrad but Harvard or Yale is where smart people go for graduate school. She believes guys who do not go to any of the top schools for undergrad are simply not smart.

As far as sex is concerned, she likes to test drive a car before she buys it and she makes sure she does her research before visiting the car dealership. However, she does have an oral fixation. lol. She is somewhat conservative about sex and is not much in touch with her sexuality. I'm not sure what her expectations are from a guy concerning sex but I'm assuming she doesn't either since she really is out of touch with her own sexuality.

As far as religion is concerned, she likes guys who are Jewish even though she is not Jewish. However, she is open to convert.

Are Men the New Women?

Listening to the Ciara's and Beyonce's of our time, it is evident that women are definitely the new men. In this day and age of women wavering between asking themselves "If I Was Boy" and actually being "Like A Boy", it's no wonder why I tend to have issues with feminity. LOL. As a believer in balance, I am all for the yin and yang. Therefore, I cannot help but wonder if women are the new men, then does that mean men are the new women? Maybe it's neither. Maybe everyone is becoming more and more balanced and on some level, we are slowly but surely becoming more eye to eye.

In a discussion that I had with a homeboy the other day, I picked his brain about how aggressive is too aggressive when it comes to a woman approaching him? I asked a couple of guys this question. The reason why I asked this particular question was because I am an impatient person. I hate sitting around waiting for guys to make moves...if you want something done, why not do it yourself? I am a lady who has a lot of balls and I don't mind approaching a guy and asking him out on a date. Honestly, it is what feels natural to me. However, it's hard to sense exactly how guys will take it.

Not suprisingly, the consensus with most guys is that they like sexually aggressive gals but they did not know exactly how they would take being asked out. So I proposed the question if instead of being asked out to a date such as being taken to dinner how they would feel if a gal made the first move and asked them if they could cook them dinner. Of course, they were all down for it. I guess some cliches never fail "the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach".

After proposing this idea, the guys I talked to started to open up a bit as to how they view dating. Guys without a doubt love being guys....but at the same time, they do appreciate being spoiled. I want to clarify being spoiled....I think as women, we unfortunately have been trained to think that spoiling a man means selling sex. Men are not superhumans nor are they ruthless sexual animals. Basically, the things that women want from men is not that far different from the things that men want from women.

So I guess the moral of the story is, who cares about gender roles. If you see something you want, just go after it. Dating games are for sissies. It's not about coming up with the smoothest lines (guys) or being coy and playing hard to get (gals)...if you like someone, it's simple...just like them.