Happy Anniversity: There is Glory in Power

All those who personally know me, know the significance of that title...and I'll leave it at that.

I hope everyone enjoyed their Turkey Day Vacay. Mines was not that exciting but it was aight. I was happy to see Jaylen, Jelauni, Aniyah, and Tristan (aka Shaun) because they are definitely the loves of my life right now.

N e ways, with the start of the holiday season I wanted to touch base on a couple of very important issues that came up over the holidays with a few people that I know. Even though the holidays is spent with family and close friends, for some, the holidays are the most loneliest times of the year. It's something that everyone hears time and time again but no one has really asked or explored the question as to why? I'm a person who has never felt comfortable sitting with a problem so you have to know the WHY for any given situation in order to find a solution.

Even though this problem does not necessarily pertain to me, I know that holiday isolation is something that effects a vast majority of people.

I always experience a bit of a culture shock when I come home...only because my life in Baltimore is so incredibly different from my life in Pittsburgh and I always find that I have to readjust. Every time I come home, it feels that I am flooded and hounded with people's issues. It does not necessarily bother me because I know how it feels when life really starts kicking you in the ass. But at the same time, I do not want to drag my life backwards. I have become so forward looking that being around others who are still trying to get a handle of life makes me feel like I am being dragged back into the past.

I find that holiday loneliest has a lot to do with the forward lookers vs. the historians...it is about the optimist vs. the pessimist. I think that culturally, blacks especially those in Bmore, are taught to be invincible. But our habit of invincibility is misdirected. We are so afraid of looking weak that we habitually make excuses for ourselves instead of taking control of our life and making the changes we need to make.

For instance, in a discussion with a relative, we discussed about not having a significant other around the holidays. I took the position that I am just as happy around the holidays sharing my life with someone else as I am being alone. She took the position that she is learning how to practice cooking and cleaning house so she can be more attractive to a man so she will no longer have to spend the holidays alone. I think to be more attractive to man she needed to learn to stop smoking and being so promiscuous. She agreed but at the same time started psychoanalyzing why she has a hard time stopping smoking and how much she needs sex for stress relief. And in many conversations that I have had with friends and family, sex, drugs, and "rock-n-roll" tend to be ways that my people use as coping mechanisms.

My question to them: WHY DON'T THEY JUST CRY? or even better...why don't they just scream to the top of their lungs? I myself am not a cryer but at the same time, I have learned to be able to sit and be comfortable with my feelings be it good or bad. I was not able to reach that point until I was really able to let my pride go. My sense of self and my emotions are heavily aligned. I find it interesting that people find crying and just taking a day to whil the fuck out, as being out of control...but in reality, those are considered healthy coping mechanisms and sex, drugs, and manipulative jealousies are really what is out of control.

Furthermore, I think that holiday loneliest is a symptom of those who generally feel powerless. In Bmore, everyone is so bent on proving how real they are and how courageous they are when in reality the majority, if not damn near all of them, are so far from real. When it is all said in done, most people are putting on a show for other people. A real person is not afraid to show their flaws. A real person is not afraid to have opinions that go against the majority. A courageous person is not afraid to be vulnerable. A courageous person is not afraid to stand for what is right. We stand up more for the wrong things than the right things...and it has nothing to do with a lack of morale...it is more about maintaing this false sense of power. And because this power is manufactured, it leaves many people to feel isolated.

I am learning that life is filled with many powerless individuals. I am not saying this arrogantly. Rather, I am saying this because it is sad and I wish that it was different.


Maltilda


"I am glad you feel so powerful. Many people don't feel powerful at all" - Miss. Honey

I used this movie because in it the girl was very different and everything positive about her was thought to be negative. But despite it all, she was a very powerful girl. Unfortunately, for those who know the movie, the Wormwoods and Miss. Trenchbal are much like many Baltimorans today.

Turkey Day!

I'll be in Baltimore for Turkey Day! I leave the Burgh this evening and will be in Baltimore tonight until Sunday, November 30th. Show me some luv and get at me.

For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this trip to Bmore...However, I am prepared to face the haters, imitators, and perpetrators. There has not been any real drama as of lately but I just have a feeling that their is a snake in my midst who may be exposed soon.

I'll keep you posted on the happenings of my Turkey Vacay.

Holla!

Ebony vs. Ivory

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney "Ebony and Ivory"



LOL! This is probably the gayest video that I could have found regarding today's topic but hey...what can I say? it fits...not to mention it's funny as shit...

As of yesterday, my roommate and I are not really on speaking terms. As I've already mentioned, I have three roommates total and I share a bedroom with one of them in our apartment. Two of us are black and are from Bmore, one is Greek, and the other one is a whitebred chic from Darien, CT. The other black chic that is from Bmore I have previously addressed in my entries as Miss. Ruckus and from this point on, I'll address the Darien, CT chic as "The Snowbunny". The Greek chic and Miss. Ruckus share a room together and me and The Snowbunny share a room together.

N e ways, as with most of my previous roommates there is always a time when I or another black person have to clarify racial ambiguities. This is bound to happen whenever people from vastly different backgrounds have to live side by side. I know that before coming to Pittsburgh, I had very little exposure to Asians. So when I got here as a freshman, I was unintentially offending my Asian roommate (who is currently a very good friend of mine). She, likewise, said many things that would be offensive to many black people to me. But despite our ignorances, we were still able to get along because we both knew that lack of exposure to a race does not necessarily equal a person who is prejudice and racist. Both of us are good people who have a general love for all people.

For instance, I have never had a problem or dislike toward Asians but at the same time I did not know that it was offensive to address them as Oriental. I also learned that you have to be careful in the way that you distinguish them. It is highly offensive to confuse a Chinese person with a Japanese person because they have a volitile history with each other. My Asian roommate never had a problem or dislike toward Blacks but at the same time she did not know it was offensive to ask me to teach her how to speak ebonics and dress ghetto. Til this day, we have a good sense of humor about our political incorrectness.

I have had roommates from various different backgrounds and races in the past. However, my first couple of years of college I had my own room in a three bedroom apartment. Therefore, if I ever did live with a racist or someone who was very prejudice, I would not have paid much attention to it. Some roommates I had very little contact with because we really did not have to share the same space. In contrast, the 2008 year is the first year where I am a smaller apartment and have to share a room and common living space. My roommate from last semester was white but I still never had to see her because she was rarely ever around since she was in a sorority. This semester, I have to share a space with The Snowbunny who I am slowly but surely gradually wanting to kill because of the way she approaches race.

Don't get me wrong, The Snowbunny is a very friendly girl. But in my experience with dealing with whites, I have learned that when they are over-friendly it usually means they are scared of you and they want to appease your good side to prevent from getting beat up. Which is exercising a stereotype within itself because black people just do not go around beating people's ass for no reason. Having the strength to stand up for yourself does not mean you are an irrationally angry and violent person.

Initially when I first met The Snowbunny, I knew that she was very culturally unaware. But I would not have gone as far as to brand her as a racist. Unfortunately, the more and more I talked to her, the more I realized that she has a very skewed view of black people. Many of her comments I let slide because even though they were a little off, there were not explicit enough for me to assume anything too deep.

For instance, she once came to me and Miss. Ruckus and asked "Don't you think that everyone is inherently racist?" Miss. Ruckus replied no after looking at her sideways. I told her no and then commented "Black people are not inherently racist. We know that it is not very smart to associate with people who do not like us. After all, we never lynched anyone or put them in slavery unless they owed us money." After this short conversation, of course I was thinking that only someone who considered themselves to be racist would ask that type of question. But because she never explicitly said "I am a racist" it would be wrong for me to assume despite my intuition.

She has made a couple of comments that were of that nature. She asked me about why black men are less inclined to marry which is in fact, statistically correct. I said poor men are less inclined to marry because marriage is an extra burden. How is someone going to provide for a family if they can barely provide for themselves or have not reached their own individual station in life? It just so happens that race and class in America are closely related since the majority of the poor folk are minorities. Her response: "Do you think that some things just might be genetic?". I told her no and then switched the conversation. A part of me did not even want to find out what was going through her head to even ask that question. But once again, she never said "I think that some people act a certain a way because of genetics" so I let it go.

It was not until me and The Snowbunny were sitting down one day watching Top Chef. On the new season, there are two Indian chefs. As we were watching, The Snowbunny kept making negative comments about each of these women. She felt very strongly about how she did not want them to win and how they should be sent home. There didn't seem to be any real reason behind it other than the fact they were Indian. So I came staight out and asked her "So I take it you don't like Indians." Her response: "Yea but I think it's because of all the things that I have heard my dad say about them.". With that comment, it is no doubt that she is at least racists toward Indians. And even if she is not racist toward Blacks, I do not like racist people in general...regardless who they are hating. Even still, I let it roll off my back.

The icing on the cake for me was when she started asking me questions about people who sell drugs. I explained to her that most people who sell drugs have started out very poor and are not exposed to good education systems or family situations that would allow them to better their lives. Some people have to drop out of school to hustle because they need rent money, need to eat, and/or support a family. Her response: "I don't understand that logic. Why don't they all just go live in homeless shelters?" And she said it sarcastically and was very adament about how all poor people should be content with being homeless. Not to mention the fact that homeless shelters can't even take care of the homeless that are out their right now. I was so offended that I nearly wanted to choke the shit out of her. I mean really, she might as well of said "Let's put them all in concentration camps".

With that, I would like to reinterate...here is proof as to why just because we have a Black President-elect race is still a pertinent issue. Until Blacks get out the ghetto and until whites open their eyes, we will always be fighting the war of Ebony vs. Ivory.