I'm Movin!!!

Hello readers.

As I have written in the Note to Readers section, I am revamping my blog to be a little bit more light-hearted. To do this, I will be moving my blog to a different URL as I will make the blog under the new URL more public since it will be less personal.

Many of my friends have asked for my URL b/c they know my life is a freakin movie. However, I really do not want them to have access to some of my past journal entries.

I will post the new URL soon.

Facebook, Twitter, and the Like

It has been a while folks! Please take a moment to read the note in the right-side bar before reading about today's topic. I am back bitches! Enjoy :-)

As I mentioned in "Note to My Readers", this accessibility to people's lives has got to stop! I think it is great that our worlds are so much more expansive now and I think that it is great that we can learn from other people's lives and be part of a larger community. However, there are such things as boundaries.

I am getting sick of seeing ladies update their statuses regarding their dysfunctional love lives...it's sooooo not cute. I have cut and pasted some examples below:

Im Just A Gurl Whos To Kool To Give A Damn! Swagg Overrated! .Gottem Turning Ova Crazy. Jus The Bitch Every Nigga Want Cant Help Im Jus So Fucking Kool.Lol Why is she worried about me?lame-o!

Bitchs Kill Me Claim To Be 5*'s but there niggaz on me.Gottem Turning Ova Crazy. All These Bitchs Love Me N I Love Them Fuckers 2..IIL's

in church....fam2 is really buggin!!!! lord, y do we gotta have this attatchment!!!!!! uuggghhhhhh....

fam2 is jus soooo lame...all yo do is cry cry n cry! get a grip...i dont want u!!!!...u cant force sum1 to want to b wit u...u f**ked up now im gone n my heart is drawn to some1else!!!!.....*my boo*


I am also tired of people posting statuses to reinforce their confidence as copied and pasted below:

...jus wonderin how many of my "friends" would still b here if i was really down in out, or sick or disabled????

Come on girlies, you are making yourselves look desperate...and I am saying this in the nicest way possible...just trying to keep it 100. I have been guilty as charged, but it is coming up that we are waaaaayyyy too old for this shit. All you are doing is validating people who do not matter.

Wonderfully Normal Day

There has been a lot of changes going on in my life. I've been making so many moves, failure is not even an option! I'll give a full length update some time in the future but in the mean time, take a moment to watch this clip. When I saw it on TV I thought that it was absolutely hilarius and decided to share. The first half is funny...the second half is corny. Enjoy!




I apologize for the poor quality of the video.

Hippie vs. Business Woman

Lately I have been feeling kind of bummed. Maybe it's because I've received a visit from my monthly friend...or maybe I truly need to figure some things out.

As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I am in a great state of flux even though this is the most stillest I have ever been. I feel like I'm at a stalemate and that I'm being held at a disadvantage. I am using marginalization as a form of protection. Yet, I feel like I am undergoing a wise temporary surrender...otherwise known as Endurance.

I am having a hard time figuring out who and what must be given up in my life. I am trying to hold on to truth and integrity and stay true to myself but....how can you hold on to truth when you do not know what the truth is?

It seems that I am a person who has always sat in the fork in the road. I have spent my whole life weaving this intricate web around me. It's been a good thing because it allows me to have options. But now I have so many options that I really do not know which road to travel.

It's not that I feel that each road has the same level of happiness and I want to know which is the road which will give me the most happiness. Rather, I feel more concerned about which road is will allow me to do the right things in life.

For some reason, it feels that no matter which road I choose...it may all lead to the same outcome. Maybe that's what people mean when they talk about destiny.

I never believed in destiny, but lately I have been entertaining the thought. Maybe there is a part of me that is uncomfortable with my so-called destiny...so I'd rather live a destiny unfulfilled by simply keeping still.

I'm just rambling and thinking out loud right now so much of what I'm writing may not make sense.

Maybe it is not about destiny...maybe it simply about not having it all. I want it all and seems that I have to choose what is I want and just what amount of things I am willing to sacrafice for it. I am weighing the scales of life.

I have made my way through life by going with the flow. I think my randomness, sense of adventure, and open-mindedness have been my strongest suits. But these suits seem to be soooo last season because they are surely not working for me now. I cannot just go with the flow and follow my inner emotional pendulum.

I have to rationalize and stick to a logical decision. I'm good at rationalization but not when it comes to major change. When it comes to that, I strictly follow my intuition. Nowadays, however, my intuition is on pause and is somewhere taking a nap. Thus, leaving me soooo directionless.

Now I want someone to just tell me what I should be doing...because that is so much more easier. Without my inner pendulum working properly, I am all over the place. I go through more changes in one week than a baby does diapers.

For instance, what the HELL would EVER possess ANYBODY to undergoe a name change? And all of a sudden I have developed a growing passion for art. I guess next week I'll be talking about how I'm on some spiritual mission on my way to Bora Bora.

I need to be tamed. I'm like a wild, unbridled horse...just galloping along to nowhere. Is that a bad thing?

I've decided that yes, yes...it is a very bad thing. You know why? Because horses are not that many genes away from being jackasses...dumb, ignorant donkeys.

That's how I feel about my life in general. That I constantly teeter the line between donkey vs. stallion, white vs. black, rich vs. poor, money vs. love, hippie vs business woman.

We will see how this goes....


I'm sure in time, there will be answers.....

Ummm...Lasagna

So a while back, I added the page element entitled "Recipe Box". I must say that I have not been doing such a great job at keeping up with this posting...primarily because I do not want to have to erase and post another recipe. Therefore, I decided that I would occasionally post one of my recipes as an actual entry and I'll tag the posting as recipe box. That way, I do not have to erase any and anyone who is interested can look at ones that have been posted previously.


Today's Feature: Lasagna



1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium red bell pepper, thinly sliced
1 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
1 pound shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
9-12 uncooked lasagna noodles
1 pound turkey Italian sausage
3/4 pound ground turkey
1/2 cup minced onion
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes
2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste
2 (6.5 ounce) cans canned tomato sauce
1/2 cup water
1 tablespoons white sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
16 ounces ricotta cheese
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1. Cook sausage, ground beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until well browned. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, bell pepper, zucchini, and water. Season with sugar, basil, Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons parsley. Simmer, covered, for about 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.

2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes. Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water.

3. In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese with egg, remaining parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.

4. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F

5. To assemble, spread meat sauce in the bottom of a baking dish. Arrange 6 noodles lengthwise over meat sauce. Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture. Top with a third of mozzarella cheese. Spoon meat sauce over mozzarella, and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Repeat layers, and top with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese.

6. Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes.

************************************************************


I'm also reposting the previous recipe that I deleted



Yesterday's Feature: Meatball Soup




1/2 lb. ground turkey
15 oz. garbanzo beans, drained
2 eggs
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 tbs. grated parmasan/romano cheese
21 oz. chicken broth
14.5 oz stewed tomatoes, undrained
1 cup mushrooms, chopped
1/4 cup ditalini pasta
5 oz. frozen spinach
2 tbs. minced garlic
1 tsp. Italian seasoning
1 tbs. fresh parsley
1/4 tsp. garlic salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 cup water

1. In a large pot stir together garbanzo beans, chicken broth, stewed tomatoes, water, mushrooms, and Italian seasoning. Bring to a boil. Add pasta. After 5 minutes, reduce heat and simmer, covered for 10-12 minutes.

2. While sauce is simmering, in a bowl mix eggs, bread crumbs, parmasan and romano cheeses, parsely, garlic salt, and pepper. Add ground turkey and knead.

3. Shape meat mixture into balls at desired size.

4. In a skillet cook meatballs over medium heat. Turn occasionally to brown evenly.

5. In another pan heat spinach and saute with minced garlic.

6. Stir meatballs and spinach into sauce.

7. Let simmer for about 5 minutes.

8. For extra flavor stir in a desired amount of parmasan and romano cheese.

I Am Changing

As the saying goes "there is nothing to fear but feat itself". I am a person who is always in a constant state of change. In fact, the only thing that does not change about me is that I am always changing. With each new chapter of life that I enter, I openly welcome new experiences and most importantly, I openly welcome a new me.

Recently however, because I am in a period of transition, change seems to have become such a disruption. I have yet to decide whether I feel disrupted because things are happening too fast and I'm being hesitant or that they aren't happening fast enough and I'm being impatient.

Either way, what ever state of flux that my life is in, it is more than apparent that I am a completely different person that I ever knew myself to be. I have witnessed many people grow more into themselves after graduating from college and it is interesting to see just what type of person someone becomes.

As I mentioned, I do not think people become different people, they just grow into their self. You can see just how good or just how bad a person is when they reach a point in life when they are obligated to leave their mark on the world. Some rise to the occasion, while others fall back.

I had a friend who was an uptight, straight A, always studying and never had a life, pretty conservative and not adventurous person. Her number one goal in life was to do well in school and get a financially lucrative and prestigious job. She reached her goal but quickly found that....it just wasn't her. She ended up quitting her $90,000/year job, moved to New York City, began working for a non-profit organization, and is in the process of getting her teacher's certification.

I had another friend who was what I would consider a pretty naive, sensitive, and week minded individual. But after college, she turned into a powerhouse as far as her career is concerned. She's definitely doing the damn thing, and is taking no bullshit. She has become very good at selling herself when before she used to sell herself short.

On the flip side, I had a friend who was always very ambitious and had a lot of hustle in her to get to where she wanted to go. But after college, she became one of the laziest people I ever met and her primary career goal is to simply fall in love and build a family....not that there is a problem with that, but the change from her being one way to being another way was pretty drastic. Nowadays, she has a lot of goals but usually needs someone to not just push her, but to really drag her, into seeing that those goals are fulfilled. Even though it is not really my thing, I admire the fact that we are so different because I really wish that I was more focused on building a family...as much as I want it, it is something that does not come natural to me. Just as as much as she wants to achieve certain goals outside of personal relationships, it does not come natural to her.

Because I graduated late, many of friends reached this point before me. Therefore in the back of my mind, I have always wondered just exactly who I was going to grow into.

I have found that my life is taking a more creative direction. I have discovered that I have a love for art and surprisingly I am very good at it...even for a beginner. Even though I started dibbling and dabbling a couple weeks ago, and of course am far from being close to a professional, many people think that I have at least been doing it for way longer.

I have learned that I am a humanitarian and am currently working with an old acquaintance on establishing a non-profit organization.

I have learned that I am a comedian and my greatest gift that I bring to the table is laughter.

I am also learning that I am easily swayed by pretty faces. I am not a girl who puts herself out there as far as men are concerned. Even though I've been told that I am a lot of fun, I have always been pretty adamant about not getting distracted by the opposite sex. But now that the pressure of getting my degree is off, I find that I am very unapologetically flirtatious and shallow. If I lived in LA or Miami where there is nothing but exceptionally beautiful men walking around shirtless...I'd be a full fledged hoe. I have learned that for me, looks substantially outweigh personality. I am a cheerleader who loves football players.

I recently came onto a friend's "interest". I say interest because they do not have anything going on but she likes him a lot...and he is fine as all hell. My ass came on to him right in front of her and this was before I found out that they weren't dating. I am currently dating this guy and he is real cool and nice but....he introduced me to his best friend who I flirt with right in front of his face. I was not hoish in the way that I approached these situations, as my intentions were not deceptive and under handed. I just reacted on what felt natural. After all, if I was trying to be under handed, I would have acted behind closed doors and not in front of anyone. I am not saying this to say that I am proud but I am showing people that this is the person that I am unfortunately/fortunately growing into.

Overall, I am growing in to a more free-spirited person than I was. I'm like a hippie. lol. "Peace, Love, and Friendship to all the pretty people." and "Universal Love for Everyone and Everything" have become my mottoes.

I think that as adults, we eventually revert back to our desires that we had as children. I think that most of the friends that I made reference to in this entry, eventually turned back into who they were as kids. I'm not saying that people grow immature or childish...I'm just saying we have basic inclinations that we are born with. I think that these inclinations are diluted through social institutions that teach us to discipline are natural urges. Once we get our "break out of jail free" cards, we go and do what we were born to do.

Because I feel that I have been locked in a bat cave for all these years because I was busy disciplining myself for the hustle, I would be lying if I did not admit that this new found freedom is slightly unsettling.

I have found that recently I have become frozen with fear. I have developed a latent lack of nerve and I am absolutely confused as to what it is I actually want. I feel that at this point in time, or at least before writing this entry, I have allowed my anxieties and fears to hold me back when I should be opening my mind to new and unexpected possibilities. I need to just trust my own intincts and not hope, but know I'll get what I want.

The majority of my anxiety stems from the fact that I have a lot of deceitful people around me...but with time, I need to know that will change as long as I do not let it affect me. I am learning that a little bit of sugar goes a long way and that the most influential leaders do not go and cut their adversaries to pieces. Rather, they show their adversaries the right way to do it and lead by example.

I am learning that the best medicine for dealing with under handed people is to include them in your life as opposed to them including you in theirs. That's how you get pulled down by the negativity when you allow them to draw you into them. The key is to draw them into you. But most importantly, don't give up on having faith in people.

Oh yeah...one more thing...

I really did go and have my name changed. Before getting an official court order for a change of name, you are required to publish your name change notice in the newspaper. That's why name changes are thought to be expensive. Filing for a name change is not that expensive...especially if you qualify for a filing fee waiver. However, publishing the notice in the newspaper is can be very very expensive. But I researched some small newspapers and only have to pay $30 - $80 to publish the notice.

Once I get my name change published and subsequently receive an order from the court, I can officially use my new name.

Stay tuned....I'll announce the new name soon. (Yeah, I know I'm crazy but I'm crazy and happy!)

Determined to Live My Life as a Simple Bitch!

It is no surprise to all those that know me that I am probably one of the most simple bitches that you know. Comedy Central is my bible, Katt Williams is my preacher, and Ron White is my daddy. I will forever have an adamant addiction to adult cartoons like South Park, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and others that come on adult swim. Sarcasm, wit, humor, and being carelessly blunt hallmark my life. I do not take life seriously and even when it seems as if I am taking life seriously, I am rolling on the floor laughing my ass off on the insides...only close friends know this about me. People who do not know me well usually take me seriously when I'm latently giving them the okey-doke. Even on this blog...

I think I'm one of the few people who wonder "Why is Mr. Crabs daughter a whale and why is he so concerned with the Crusty Crab flooding when she cries if they live in the water?"

Anyways, staying true to character, and embracing the simpleton that I am...I have decided to CHANGE MY NAME!!! I am a non-committal person and me and the name that I have carried for the last 23 years have been together waaaayyyy too long. I am getting bored with being Courtney Nichole Thompson.

So what randomly brought this on? Well, surprisingly it was not that random. I have always wanted to change my name. Don't ask me why, I really do not have a real reason...at least not until now.

The reason why I never actually went through a name change was because 1) I had too much shit surrounding school in my name and 2) I thought that it would be kind of ridiculous to answer "because I just felt like it" when people ask me "Bitch, what the hell possessed you to change your name?".

I am in a transition period in my life, so what the hell...might as well go for it. It can't hurt...especially for a free spirited person like me. If all else fails, I'll change it back. Whateva Chedda.

So I have come up with a really lame reason for changing my name, but it is a reason none-the-less.

A friend of mine recently found out she was pregnant and we decided to look up baby names. We happened to stumble upon the website Kabalarian Philosophy in our search for a baby name. I really do not know much about this shit, but I am guessing it is something like numerology or something crazy. Anyways, it basically tells you how your name effects your personality and your life. Coincidentally, we happened to stumble upon this site when they were giving away free name reports (which stops on July 20th). So...because I can never turn down anything free and I do have a latent interest in occultish type things (I am a Scorpio), I ordered it.

Turns out, my name sucks....correction, it's more middle of the road and I hate being the middle of the road. In response, I have ordered free reports for names that I think I may want to change my name to. I'm changing my middle name to Courtney and I'm keeping my last name. That way, people can still call me what they've been calling me.

We will see how this plays out....

Oh yeah...if anybody cares, I have pasted the report below:

"
Your First Most Used Name

Your name, Courtney, makes you clever, proficient, and analytical. You could be
inventive along practical, mechanical lines. Your natural skepticism is overcome
only through factual detail and logical proof. You are independent and positive in
opinion, original in your thinking, and a stickler for logic and reason. Drawn into
hard work and detail, at times you long for new experiences and adventure. Any
new undertaking holds appeal, but you tend to attract limited opportunities that
involve considerable monotony and result in feelings of repression and
frustration. Challenges hold your interest, but once your interest wanes, you
switch to something else, leaving your undertakings unfinished. You have an
inquisitive, investigative mind and a curiosity about life, along with an interest in
scientific matters.

You tend to live your ideas day and night, or else lose interest completely. You
cannot be pushed or driven, responding instead with great effort if you are
approached with proper consideration. Good manners, reliability, and honesty are
important to you, and you expect them in others. As you never forget an injustice,
it is difficult for you to forgive and forget. You take life seriously and tend to be
matter-of-fact and practical in your outlook, following established routines most
of the time.

Efficiency is critical to you, however, there are times when your over-exacting
and meticulous ways create misunderstandings. Lack of attention to details by
others can be very frustrating. You must guard against becoming satirical and
contemptuous, thereby creating bitter experiences in personal relationships. Your
changing moods make it difficult for others to respond to you appropriately. You
are not overly conversational unless there is something to learn from the
conversation. Social chitchat does not appeal to your practical nature.
Although you tend to champion causes and want to help others who are in lessfortunate
circumstances, you are not overly sympathetic nor forgiving. In fact,
you feel awkward and self-conscious when put in delicate situations, as you feel
your inability to be as diplomatic as you should be. You cannot stand ridicule nor
appreciate a joke at your expense.

You have strong likes and dislikes and often respond to hunches. Your first
impressions of situations or people are usually accurate, although there are times
when you are too naïve, causing you to trust people who then let you down.
The intensity created by the use of this name creates stomach and intestinal
disorders such as ulcers, growths, or constipation.

Your Surname

Your surname of Thompson creates a very friendly, happy, and spontaneous
family of people. They love parties, social activities, and entertaining. They are
artistic, musical, and creative, and respond to inspirational and
spur-of-the-moment experiences. They dislike system, order, routine, or
monotony, and are spendthrifty; it is difficult for them to save. They are very
self-expressive and their home life is usually in a commotion, for they are always
stirring up excitement and playing pranks on one another. They can be extremely
expressive and say things just for the sake of an argument and thoroughly enjoy
the humour and fun it creates. However, this name can cause emotional outbursts
and hurt feelings; thus they must learn to control their impulsive and emotional
nature. They forgive and forget easily, and display their feelings very quickly.
Love is their motivating force and they are very affectionate, giving, and
inspirational. They are not practical or interested in mathematics, unless their
other names bring out this influence. They basically lack self-discipline and
dislike self-denial. Although this name creates a happy, friendly family of people,
it destroys stability and accumulation. They can be over-emotional and indulge
their appetites, and thus have an overheated bloodstream, causing skin conditions,
liver problems, and emotional desires.

Your Combined Name

The combined names Courtney Thompson create a desire to be financially
independent, and an interest in economics and business affairs. However, with
this combination you do not realize the fulfilment of your ideals, even though you
enjoy a measure of financial stability and success. Just when opportunities seem
to be coming your way, you are overlooked in favour of someone else. You are
taken away from association with people and experience much aloneness. You
could experience health problems affecting the heart and lungs.

Your Business Signature

The business signature of Courtney Nichole Thompson takes you into
circumstances where you work independently in a leadership way, pioneering for
the benefit of others. You have to work hard with limited resources, facilities,
and conditions. This signature restricts your financial success by requiring you to
put far more into an enterprise than you get out of it, with the benefits of your
efforts going to someone else.

Your Other First Name(s)

Your name Nini has given you an idealistic nature with a desire to help others.
Your initiative often causes you to be the first to act when you see a need. Your
desire to help also makes you generous, sympathetic, and loyal in your
friendships. Since you are impressionable and receptive, you feel the misfortunes
of others very keenly. However, this name makes it awkward for you to express
your deeper thoughts and feelings with finesse and diplomacy to the extent that
your candid, sometimes blunt, manner of speaking creates misunderstandings
with others. Although you know what is expected of you, you feel awkward and
embarrassed when drawn into delicate situations that require extreme tact.
Because of this lack of verbal expression, you experience inner feelings of
frustration and repression which can cause you to retaliate.
This name creates a dual quality in that at times, you are compassionate and
understanding and, at other times, unyielding and strong willed. Being somewhat
self-centred, you learn through your own experiences, as you rarely take advice
from others. Yet, you are sensitive and very easily hurt and offended. You long
for praise and appreciation for your efforts, but others find it difficult to
understand you. If you perceive you are being taken advantage of, you can
become overly critical and complaining. On the other hand, when understood, you
can be very charming and affectionate, as you respond quickly to kindness and
sympathy.

You dislike monotony and system and enjoy being creative in an inventive way
whether it be in interior decorating, music, art, crafts, or other endeavours that
require versatility and skill. You enjoy working with your hands. You are imaginative and visionary, somewhat of a perfectionist, yet the results of your
efforts often fall short of your high expectations. A leadership position appeals to
you because you would enjoy directing others rather than being directed.
Being impulsive, you make hasty decisions, which you often regret after you
experience the results.

Your feelings are strong and you tend to react intensely to situations. This name
tends to create a quick temper, mostly because an inability to express your
thoughts and feelings with clarity leaves you feeling tongue-tied. The tension and
frustration resulting from this restriction could cause you to suffer with severe
headaches or sinus problems.

Because of your sensitive nervous system, over-stress and extreme tiredness could
cause nervous disorders, seizures, fainting, or dizziness. You could also
experience head tension such as headaches, weak eyes, or throat problems.

Your name of Court to the extent that you use it creates a very restless, active,
and versatile nature. You dislike monotony, system, or routine, and crave
independence, freedom of thought, action, and opportunities for change and
travel. Life is a challenge to you; anything that is new and different catches your
interest and you will devote time and effort until you have the satisfaction of
figuring it out, but once the challenge is over you are on to something new. You
have a humanitarian side to your nature and could be a champion of the underdog,
for you dislike injustice. Often you speak too directly and can create
misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You have attracted many disappointments
with people because you take them at their word and will often be let down. This
causes you to take a defensive attitude and you could become cynical. You enjoy
outdoor activities. You like to be individual and dislike doing what everyone else
does, just for the sake of association. With keen analytical ability, you seek truth
and appreciate knowing the reason "why". However, you are far too intense and
emotional and experience problems in your nervous system, tension in the
stomach and solar plexus, as well as uncontrolled speech. When depressed you
suffer with moods through self-pity.

Quorda is not a good name to use for it destroys creative ability, imagination and
depth of thought. It makes you a very practical, hard working person. Other
people find it difficult to get along with you because you are so set in your
opinions. You find it hard to show any warmth towards others. You show an
interest in the technical aspect of things. If anything mechanical needs fixing, you
are quite capable of fixing it. Your desire for heavy foods (meat and starches) can
result in constipation, ulcers, and intestinal growths.

Your name of Nichole creates a happy-go-lucky, idealistic, easy-going, but
over-emotional nature. If this name is used to any extent, you would be inclined to
take the easy way out. To smooth over any unpleasant situation, you prefer to
evade the issue rather than hurt others. You find it hard to save your finances;
money slips through your fingers quickly because you enjoy a good time and
others can influence you to part with your money. You create a good impression
by your appearance and your charming personality. You are naturally drawn to
people and love to converse with them. You enjoy social events and relaxed, easy
living, without pressures. This name causes you to lack system, order, and
concentration, making it difficult for you to follow through with your intentions
and live up to your commitments. Through over indulgence you could suffer with
skin or liver problems, an overheated bloodstream, or fluid troubles such as
overweight, kidney problems, or varicose veins.

Your Other Combined Name(s)

Your full name of Nini Thompson gives you the desire for creative outlets, for
much sociability, and for opportunities to give to and share with others. Although
you want active conditions and variety in your life, you are constantly dealing
with mundane, monotonous details. You are taken into surroundings where much
hard work is required of you, but you receive little in proportion to your efforts.
You can make progress through much perseverance and taking advantage of the
limited opportunities that do come your way. The successes you have are the
result of focused efforts. Seldom do favourable conditions come your way. Any
health weaknesses would show in skin, liver, or stomach problems.

Your Other Business Signature(s)

To the extent that you use the business signature of CNT, you are drawn into
situations where there is the need to give of yourself to help others. You attract
positions that require a great deal of individual effort with limited resources,
physical comforts, or conveniences. Invariably, you put more into an enterprise or
venture than you gain from it. The benefits usually go to someone else. You
pioneer many efforts, working hard, but just when you begin to make headway, or
have your goal in sight, someone else takes advantage of the situation to reap the
rewards that should be yours. There is little opportunity to draw upon, either in
your work environment or from personal contacts. This signature would not bring
you the financial accumulation you deserve.

To the extent that you use the business signature of Courtney Nichole, it would
bring you a degree of financial stability and success, but your expectations and
ambitions would not be fully realized. Your work environment draws you into
positions where contact with others is restricted with the result that your efforts
and capabilities are not fully recognized or rewarded. Opportunities or
advancement that you wait for all too often go to someone else.
Misunderstandings frequently arise in your business dealings making it difficult to
negotiate the most favourable terms, or bring arrangements to a fully successful
conclusion."

Just Thinkin: Still Up...

This weekend was really great and for some reason I get more energized when everything in my life is all gravy (or at least close to it). I actually tend to sleep more when things are not going my way and tend to be a lot more restless when things are going my way. Hence, the reason for the late night blog entry. I'll just type my thoughts as they come....

It seems that my late graduation was not in vain! Lol. Apparently everyone and their mama is making a come back to Bmore. I'm not complaining....after all, the more the merrier. I was a little scared after turning down a job offer and sticking by the decision to return home. Many people looked at me as if I was crazy, but I know what works for me. I am a person who will always have my priorities straight and I will stick by it no matter what. That has been the key to my success and I undoubtedly believe it will always be that way. I believe that the most successful (and happiest) people are those who stay true to who they are and stay focused on their long-term goals. Of course I want to have financial stability and a glamorous, well-respected job....but fulfilling that in the short-term by taking the job that I was offered would have got in the way of things that I plan to get done in the long run.

I want it all, and to get it all the first rule is 1) to learn patience and 2) to make smart decisions regardless of all the noise surrounding you (be it negative or positive). I do not believe the best way to happiness and financial success is to work for other people...and given this day and age with the economy the way it is, if you are going to work for anybody, it better be the government. I have always preached that people should invest in themselves and invest in their community. And that is exactly what I'm doing now. I am working on a couple of projects...some hopefully lucrative and one that is non-profit. I'll probably expand on this in a later entry particularly when these projects have made a little more headway. But I'm excited.

I must admit that I have been moving a lot more slowly regarding which direction I'm headed than I usually do. I guess because up until a couple of weeks ago I temporarily lost my motivation. Primarily due to the fact that I just graduated and was enjoying the break. But, break is over. It was fun while it lasted, but I was never comfortable sitting still. I am currently working but I'm not staying where I'm at very long...and I still consider my current job a part of my "break" considering it's just something I took for some extra cash.

Anyways, I usually cut people off around News Years or the beginning of Spring but I feel it is about that time again. Primarily because I am in a transition period in my life. I know of five friends who recently have not been holding up their end. Two of which I absolutely love to death and are a little surprised by them...regardless, they are still good people but I have realized that our priorities differ and our friendship has just about run its course. The remaining three, our friendship ran its course a long time ago...it is most definitely time for the ship to sail.

The funny thing is, as soon as I make the conscious decision to put them in my back pocket, they will inevitably start hitting my phone up. For some reason, that always happens. I'm getting a little too old for casualty. Casual relationships with people have always been my hallmark. But it is about time that I stop looking at people as stepping stones toward a certain goal and start really looking at them.

I feel like I'm in a building mode. As much as I value freedom and independence, it is time for me to start laying solid foundations toward building security...financial and emotional. Setting a foundation is tedious and boring, especially for someone who is preoccupied like me. But, if I want the life that crave, I have to do what I got to do. The more I see the value in it, the less of a task it will be. Surprisingly, I thought seeing the value in pulling back my freedom and independence and having patience was going to be an impossible lesson for me, but my life is headed in a direction that I never thought it would go...and for that, I'm thankful. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it will continue to go this way. Of course, their will be bumps in the road...but I think that I'm prepared for it.

In other news, I think that I saw Mr. Snake Guy the other day. I'm 90% certain that it was him. I always thought what would happen if I ever ran into him. Since Maryland does not seem to be that big of a place and everybody in some way, shape, or form knows everybody else, I was almost certain that we would run into each other. Blah! I could never decide if I should be cordial or if I should be a bitch. Truthfully, I really would just want to ignore him and keep it movin...not because I'm angry but I'm really just that far removed. Anyways, I saw him and did not bother to get his attention. I just smiled on the inside, laughed to myself, and thought "thank god that's over." And in those very few seconds of seeing him, I picked up on his swag and could not help but think "what in the hell did I see in that dude? Courtney, what were you on?"

What would be even funnier is if the dude that I thought was him wasn't really him. It makes you kind of wonder how many people have you been someone else to. I wonder if anyone has ever saw me thinking that I was someone they knew, ran back home and called someone and said "Guess who the fuck I saw today? You know Cassandra is looking awfully good these days". I wonder how many strangers have me in their pictures somewhere in the background, looking at my toes.

I have learned a lot about life within the past five weeks....probably more so than I have learned in my whole life. Or maybe I'm just smarter now and less hardheaded. It doesn't take much for me to learn a lesson.

I find that I'm still having a hard time dealing with issues of my past. I feel like I'm a private person with many skeletons in my closet. People do not really know me and on some level, I'm pretty sure that I'm a big ass question mark. I think people assume a lot of things about me because I really give them no choice but to fill in the blanks as to who I am and what has made me me. I am not really private just for privacy's sake, I think that on some level, I am afraid to be judged. I liked being looked at as the smart, college girl who has her life together. I liked being looked at as practical and drama-free. I wonder how people's opinion of me would change if they knew that I used to pop pills on the regular, I've tried LSD and Coke. My life has been fraught with trauma.

I have grown to become a very optimistic person, but I feel that if anyone was to ask me about my life experiences they may get the impression that I'm negative. Because as much as do not want to admit it, in my 23 years, I've had more bad days than good ones. Who wants to talk to someone who keeps bringing up bad stories. I have a lot of crazy, random, absolutely hilarious stories to tell as well. But, I feel like I've told all of them a thousand times over. I think that it is time for me to take the risk and unleash the skeletons. I need to have a little bit more faith in people. I think that is the biggest aspect of myself that I am currently working on. I is very hard because traumatic things stick with you...and with many people, trauma last a lifetime. People really do not understand that it really skews your perspective on many things. It is like walking through life being hearing impaired and without a hearing aid. You have to kind of figure out and some times guess what people are actually saying to you because a valuable sense has been messed up. It is very easy for you to misunderstand people and even easier for people to misunderstand you.

But I'm working on adding a hearing aid to my life. I've been working on it. And even though I'm still latently affected by many things in my past, I am determined to get the hell over it. I mean seriously...the shit is annoying.

Anyways, I'm finally sleepy has all hell.

Nighty Nite

Just 4 Kicks: Cartomancy

So given my habit to talking to random people....I was sitting at the DMV the other day and this chic beside me started talking to me. I'm overly outgoing so I welcomed the conversation even though the chic was a little freaky. But whateva...to each its own. Anyways, the chic was telling me something about cartomancy. I still have really no idea what the hell it is....it seems to me that it is similiar to tarot or something but instead of using tarot cards, you actually use a real playing cards. I do not really believe in it, but it was a good and interesting way to pass away the time at the DMV. I let the chic do a reading and felt that it would be fun to post it. Once again, I want to reemphasize that I do not believe in this stuff...it's just for fun. Oh yeah, I told her that I just wanted her to pull the cards and not interpret it. I just wanted her to let me know if it was a good reading or a bad reading. Even though I do not believe in it, a part of me still appreciates the unexpected and I must say I do not have any interests in finding out weather or not I'll be hit by a bus tomorrow.


Love Life




Career





Relationship with Sister




Make A Wish (and see if it's meant to come true)

R.I.P. Uncle Gregory

To Uncle Greg

God knew that you were tired
so he sent you peace
he asked you to come home
so he could put your mind at ease.

God knew that you were tired
so he whispered "Do not fear,
I have a cure for your unrest,
life gets better from here."

God knew that you were tired
so respite he assured
and when your calling came
you went home with the Lord.

God knew that you were tired
so he left friends and family to lurk
with tears of sorrow and tears of joy
to continue your work on earth.

God knew that they were tired
so before you went to bed
he left them all a message
to lift their weary heads...

"As the great book says,
do not loose heart
put a smile on your face
and be happy to have known Greg
before he had to depart"

And with these words
they praised him and rejoiced,
"Greg is the man and forever is our boy!"

Played By Myself

Played by Myself


I've tried to consolidate
the hundreds of impulses
that fill my empty days
but it's all in vein
it's all vein
I am learning that I am selfish
it's either that or I'm just confused
maybe I'm just delusional
or maybe I've been abused
My life is filled with maybes
and one-hundred million goodbyes
Yet
despite all my tribulations
I've yet to learn to cry
I feel that I am crazy
but they've told me that I am sane
but regardless
I still try
not to succumb
to my long forgotten drunken haze
But the bottom of the glass
is where I've learned to survive
because despite resilience
it's guidance
that I try so hard to find
The world is filled with people
who are ninety percent dumb
Consequently
here I lay
ninety-nine percent NUMB

I've been played by myself.

The Royal Flush

Of course one of the biggest issues concerning our community is the need for more male mentors. This is a problem that has been around for many generations. Even though I do recognize the need for more male mentors, I cannot help but feel that because women are so much of the shit, that maybe we need to shift our focus on encouraging female mentors. Yes, men do need to learn to step up but at the same time, they do what they do because we allow them to do it. Therefore, it starts with women. As I wrote in a previous entry, we hold the power. If you teach women to step up their game, men will have no choice but to follow.

The reason why I am discussing this is because lately I have been feeling very discouraged when I look around at all the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have much admiration and respect for each and everyone of them. I just sometimes wish that they could see in themselves what I see in them. They may feel that I judge them but in all reality, my criticism stems from the fact that I just want what's best for them. If they don't fight for themselves, then who else will?

Anyways, when it comes to my own personal dealings with men or issues outside of men that pertain to women, I find that I often seek the advice of a homeboy. In the end, I am still left feeling directionless because what the hell do my homeboys know about women shit? I always am left in a position where I have to guess because I know that allowing others to walk all over me (in cases outside of relationships as well) is not an option.

What is being said to young women when an older woman tells them "The only way a relationship will work is if the woman gives up everything for a man."? What is being said to young women when an older woman is focused on learning how to keep her house clean not because she wants it for herself, but because that is the only way she feels she can walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress? What is being said to a young women when an older woman submits to game playin and manipulation tactics to win over someone who is not necessarily down for her? What is being said to a young women when an older woman talks about having sex with a man just so he will not leave her? What does it say to a young woman when an older woman talks about the only way to win a man is to have good punany?

Most importantly....what does all this say to the young men? I know a lot of single mothers that have little boys and half-absent or completely absent baby daddies. I'm just keepin it real so excuse me if I offend anybody by saying this but....by allowing a string of different men into your babies lives, how are men ever going to learn how to act if little boys only see the unqualified men that their mothers bring around? The same question can be asked with those who have daughters.

The biggest lesson that I believe women need to be taught is emotional independence and be adamant about not settling for less than what they want. They need to learn to stop trying to change themselves in order to change men. Rather, they need to learn to change their situations and state of mind. We need to be taught that we are not victims and stop acting like martyrs.

A common school of thought is that in life, you have to learn how to play with the cards you are dealt with. I beg to differ, I think we ladies need to learn that all of us have been dealth a royal flush and the only difference from one person to another is how big the winning pot is (i.e. not everyone is born with a silver spoon).

So ladies, stop going through life as if you are playing a no pair hand. Come to the table of life with a big smirk on your face and be ready to lay your cards down and take what you deserve.

Instead of thinking "you have to play with the cards you are dealt with"...start thinking "I have a royal flush bitches! Fuck you, pay me"

Once you change your state of mind....pass your hand on....

This Song Fits My Swag

Happy Graduation To Me!!

Breakin Out, Breakin Out

Just letting all my lovelies know that I am back in Baltimore so get at me. However, I will be leaving for Texas today until the 14th. Then off to the Burgh for graduation until the 18th. After that, I'm all yours! Holla @ ya girl.


"School's out for the summer! School's out FOREVER!"

The Alpha Bitch Syndrome

Lately there has been much talk about why there is always female on female crime. Almost every female that you ask will tell you without hesitation "I don't fuck with bitches!". It is a reoccurring theme in the daily lives of most females and the media exploits are dramatic antics toward each other through the wave of reality TV. We also see the shit on our facebook and myspace statuses...telling the world how much we are willing to piss on a fire hydrant just to prove that we are fabulous.

Let me just say, there is nothing fabulous about pissing on a fire hydrant.

Men are continuously scratching their heads in confusion, kind of wondering "why can't these bitches just get along?".

Well I am here today to tell you. The problem with chics is that every woman wants to be an "Alpha Woman". Most of the time, being deemed the alpha of anything is usually associated with men, but when it all comes down to it, women are more prone to this syndrome than men are. A man will not let anyone "test his gangster" but that does not necessarily mean that a man is in a constant state of competitiveness with another man to stay on top. Men learn very early on to be comfortable with just being and accepting their place on the Greek alphabetical hierarchy (not unless it comes down to their cars). After all, there is not enough room for everyone to be an alpha....or is it?

Most women are born with the notion that they are the most beautiful, the most fabulous, the most smartest, etc... However, women fail to realize that not everyone is a Halle Berry or an Einstein. Yet despite this obvious reality, there are few women on earth that will admit to being full of faults. We love to live under the delusion that we are flawless.

Yes, you should have confidence and yes, you should love who you are...but really, how confident and accepting of yourself are you if you are consistently comparing yourself to someone else? Just be, ladies, just be.

Every chic believes that her way is the only way and any diversion from her subjective reality, no matter how small the diversion may be, will bring out the worst in her. When a woman feels that her Alpha status is threatened, she becomes more manipulative, underhanded, and/or aggressive....Women who suffer from the Alpha Bitch Syndrome are shiesty and are snakes. Instead of working on changing themselves, they'd rather work on demolishing any Alpha Woman that stands in their way.

Before I continue, let me just clarify the difference between the Alpha Woman and the Alpha Bitch. The Aplha Woman has her swag turned on to the point that she is unresponsive to foolishness. Everyday she asks herself "What's a hater?" because to her, haters do not exist. She is an alpha who doesn't know she is an alpha because her focus is on the high road and on nothing else. She never has to look in her rearview because she has enough faith in herself to direct her life just by simply looking straight ahead. She is the master of the okey-doke because she inwardly knows that she has nothing to prove. A person can believe what they want about her...who is she to correct them? She knows what it is and has no problem keepin it movin...she keeps it movin and is always three steps ahead. She is straightforward and arms herself with inner beauty. Her mottos: "Get the getter before you get got", "Goin brush your shoulders off", "I am who I am so just let a bitch be", and "Whateva' Chedda'"

...let that marinate a little bit.

The Alpha Bitch on the other hand, puts the energy of her swag into her mouth. Everyday she spits fire, screaming to the top of her lungs "Fuck all these hatin ass bitches, they know what's really good". She is a chic who thinks she is an alpha, who wakes up every morning thinking of ways to have swag like an alpha, who seriously reminds everyone just how much of an alpha she is everyday. She is always looking out her rearview because she is worried about who is going to come up from behind and thus has a hard time looking straight ahead. She loves watching other people's business and yet, she is left wondering why she crashes so much and why she has trouble going from point A to point B. She is the master of words and the fire she spits is like no other. She must remind everyone who she is because she does not realize that if she were somebody she wouldn't have to tell them. She does not understand how to let her swag speak for itself. She is condescending because that is her only weapon that she is armed with. Her mottos: "They wish they were a boss like me", "Suck a dick", and "Don't they realize who the fuck I am?"

But regardless if you are an Alpha Woman, suffer from The Alpha Bitch Syndrome, or fall somewhere in between there is still room for everyone to hold a high rank.

There is a power that all women have and unfortunately this day and age, we have forgotten it, have yet to tap into it,and/or have given it away.

Like Hov said "It's the power of the P.U.S.S.Y.". Now, to all the Alpha Bitches out there...this does not mean that you have the best tastin vajayjay nor does it mean that the power lies in the fact that you give the best head....the power of the vajayjay lies in the ability to dangle it without giving it away....it's called seduction...and an Alpha Woman knows its art.


(will finish later)

Don't Take It Personally? How Can't U...

I have finally taken the last class OF MY LIFE...or at least until I decide to get a Masters which is highly likely.

I am done, done, done and it feels so incredibly good because as I always say..."It's been one hell of a ride!".

I feel that now that I have my degree, the next thing that I want to focus on is my personal relationships because at the end of the day, that is what matters most. Money will always be there but people, however, will not. There is no doubt in my mind that career wise I'll end up where I'm suppose to be....as far as my personal relationships are concerned I feel that needs a lot of work.

In the past, I have always been a person that has had an "easy come, easy go" attitude toward people. And I have what I like to call a "preoccupied" state-of-mind. This way of thinking has worked well in terms of helping maintain my resiliency in order to achieve other goals, but, this way of thinking is not sustainable.

Eventually you have to take the plunge and tell yourself that people are not disposable. It's part 2 of the maturation process...and for me, is by far the hardest to learn.

It was not until very recently that I discovered just how much of a non-committal person that I am. I never had a real desire to have an intimate relationship (which is probably why my past history with men is not all that great), I do not want kids, when I go to work I'm in and out and really do not care to make work friends, I have always had a desire to get as far away from my dysfunctional family that was humanly possible, and even though I have been well received by roommates...I'd prefer to live alone.

Don't get me wrong, I have a genuine love and concern for most people, I make friends easily and I am sociable...I am also the type who will drop everything to help someone else even to my own detriment....BUT, I have to admit, that there is a large part of me that is consistently unreachable.

Previously, I have been comfortable with the fact that I am non-committal. Like I said, investing more into my personal goals and less into others has got me far. But that is not necessarily what life is all about and I find myself slightly more unfulfilled than I have ever did before. I'm content and comfortable but unfulfilled nonetheless (sigh).

The reason why my proneness to run away from commitment has become a problem now is because now I want more than I previous did when it comes to my personal relationships. The problem with getting more is that I find that I'm a big ass scaredy cat. As much as I hate to admit this, I have discovered that I have a severe lack of trust and faith toward people. It's a lot deeper than I could have imagined and when I start getting too close for comfort with people, I have this HUGE compulsion to run away. This is something that I always knew was in me but I really never thought it was that deep and it was a very fixable problem.

I don't know where this compulsion comes from but because I am so resilient, I'm determined to kick this bad habit in the ass ASAP. I once read somewhere that the definition of courage was not someone who is fearless. Rather, courage means that you are very fearful but you charge ahead anyways. Some feel that I may be being a bit melodramatic about my inability to have personal relationships with any real depth, but, it has come to a point that the thought of being close makes my stomach drop and I get over anxious. So, it is definitely a real problem that has just made its way to the forefront.

I think I have become so accustomed to pushing my way through life for myself and by myself that as much as I want something different, this is my comfort zone. It's what I have come to know and anything outside of that is foreign to me.

As I said, I'm up for the challenge and I'm more than ready to open a new and fresh chapter in my life...even though I'm scared shitless. I have always put all my trust and faith into myself and learning to do otherwise will be hard but not impossible.

It's time for me to start taken things personally.

SCAREDY CATS NEED NOT APPLY

T.E.A.

In the most recent news, many republicans have been protesting against Obama's stimulus plan through a reenactment of the Boston Tea Party. T.E.A. stands for Taxed Enough Already.

I have always had a problem with people who look down on taxes in general. People do not understand that without taxes, the general public could not benefit. I currently reside in Pennsylvania where they hardly tax anything, and the repercussions of it clearly shows. For instance, they take out about $50.00 out of our checks every January because the schools have no money....the city of Pittsburgh has run out of salt on many occasions and could not salt their streets during the harsh winters resulting in more car accidents.

These are things that most people take for granted because they do not understand that paying taxes is a way of giving back to the community. It is no different than tithing in church.

Even though I understand many people's frustration during this econmic crisis, a part of me cannot help but feel as though there is still a racial undertone behind this protest. If not a racial undertone, then it is very evident that Republicans are sore loosers. One cannot help but wonder where were the radical, creative protest when Bush was in office?

People are protesting a possible solution to the economy...but, they never protested its prevention. I cannot help but wonder if Hilary or another Democrat was elected into office, would citizens have organized the T.E.A. protest? Judging some of the picures of the protest, I say that the likelihood would have been small.

I have posted some pics below:



Maybe I'm over analyzing this, but I have a hard time wrapping my brain around how big government spending = slavery. Was this guy trying to find a way to relate to President Obama in hopes that he would see his point of view? Further, I think it's more than extreme to say that President Obama is attempting to take away our freedom by trying to promote change. Where were the protest against all the defense spending against the fake search for "weapons of mass destruction"?









My favorite pic by far..."Clinging to My God!, My Money!, My Guns!". All this says to me is "I'm really really upset that a black democrat won". They are making the outrageous claim that the new President and the new Washington is valueless and are theives. Futhermore, I fail to understand how God and Guns can be used in the same sentence with both things being looked at as good.

Chello, Chello...

I've been a way awhile. In my past entries I have attempted to make updates but I've been working my ass off trying to run the last five miles of undergrad. I decided that since I finally have a little bit of free time (actually, I'm just looking for an excuse to put off a project), I'll run a very very brief update so I can keep my fans tuned in.....

1. Career

As many of you know, of course I am graduating later than I was suppose to because I got in trouble back in 2006 for tricking a guy into a threesome, handcuffing him to a wall, and leaving him there with his pants pulled down. Of course the story is more in depth than that, and if you are interested knowing more, feel free to click on the link for my livejournal page.

N e ways, of course its a little frustrating being one of the oldest on campus because everyone seems so young and dumb...and I say that in the nicest way possible. I understand that I was that way at one point and time and like myself, they have to make mistakes in order to grow. However, momma still needs her grown-up time every now and again.

As of right now, in this crazy economy, many of my graduating colleagues are having a hard time finding jobs. I have been asked to go on interviews and I did receive a job offer. However, I have turned all of them down. Many of my friends, family, and colleagues think I'm absolutely crazy but I am determined to get a job that suits my needs and my personality. Over the past couple of years, I have REFUSED to settle for less than what I wanted and I do not intend to stop now.

Getting a job is more than just a big paycheck at a prestigious company...I work to live as opposed to living to work. My biggest priority in my search is location. I opitimally want to live in either Atlanta or Washington D.C....at least for now. Secondly, I need a job that practices business in a way that is in line with my own personal values....and of course, this is very hard to find since in many companies you have to make money at the expense of others who have added value to your growth....not my style.

"He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator."

I'll elaborate on this later, but as I said, I'm just running a brief update.

2. Friends and Family

Nothing much to speak of here. Same 'ole, same 'ole. I'm absolutely loving the people that I have in my life. At the start of each year, I always erase the unwanted people in my life. Hence, by practicing this, my phone book is pretty much filled with only necessary people.

The only news on this front is that I think my sister wants to fuck this guy that I'm talkin' to but I'll have more on this drama later....but I must say that even though that I know of her intentions, I have not really addressed her about them because I'm seriously not moved by her. I pretty much give her the okey-doke and continue about my business....I feel that at the age of 23, there is no need to entertain drama that does not pose any direct threat. I have learned that it is perfectly okay to allow people to live in their own head....

Oh yeah, I almost forgot...speaking of people who live in their own head....Mr. Snake Guy hit me up not too long ago. I've changed my number since the last time I talked to him (back on New Years of 2008). I changed my number for other reasons outside of him so the only way for him to contact me was on the myspace. I found it laughable that he would have the audacity to hit me up...but I okey-doked him too and really refused to entertain any real conversation with him. I don't have any bitterness towards him or anything, so I was cordial...but, at the same time, I'm not for the foolishness. I made a resolve to rid him out of my life a long time ago, and I intend for things to stay that way. He wanted to know what I was doing for Memorial Day....I hope that he was just trying to stretch for conversation because unless we just happen to run into each other, I'm keeping it movin'. FO SHO! lol.

I am a little dishearted that two of my family members have been diagnosed with Cancer...and my older sister recently had to be tested for Hodgekins Disease...but the lump that they found was benign. Pray for them, please.

As always, the biggest loves of my lives are my niece and nephews who are doing very well. Oh yeah, my sister ended up knocked up AGAIN back in January. Fortunately, this time around she was sensible enough to get an abortion for the first time.


3. Love Life

For the first time in awhile it's getting better slowly but surely. I have three words: Jersey, Jersey, Jersey. I will fill everyone else in on this probably way later down the road cuz I've learned my lesson about putting my love life on blast via blogspot. I will not comment much on this area of my life until I'm in a more settled relationship.


Well that's all for now!

Keep in Touch....

Black is In!!!

The most powerful politician in the world is Black.

The head of the Republican National Committee is Black.

The best known media mogul on earth and one of the most influential people in the world is Black.
The greatest golfer in the world is Black.

The top female tennis players in the world are Black.

The highest grossing actor worldwide is Black.

The fastest racing driver in the world is Black.

The brightest Astrophysicist under the sun is Black.

The Superbowl-winning Head Coach is Black.

The most successful brain surgeon in the world is Black.

The fastest human on the planet is Black.

Dog Eat-Dog World

It's been awhile since I have had time to update my blog so I must put a disclaimer on this entry and let everyone know that it is definitely a little late. Even though we are fifty three days into the new year, I have yet to write my new year entry but I think that it is more appropriate to write it now than if I had written it earlier.

New Beginnings....

"Dead And Gone"
(feat. Justin Timberlake)

[Spoken - T.I.]
Ay
Let me kick it to you right quick, man
That on some gangsta shit man, on some real shit
Anybody done been through the same thing, I'm sure you feel the same way


[Chorus - Justin Timberlake (T.I.)]
Ohhhh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone
And ohhhh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone





Click here for video



(will update my blog soon)

Natural Order

Of course with most people here in the United States and with some across the world, the holiday season has came and went. Whether you celebrated Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, or New Years, I'm pretty sure most of us participated in some type of festivities throughout the past month and a half where the most important occasions surrounded religious events.

I was raised Presbyterian but I have a substantial number of relatives on both of my parents sides who are Jehovah's Witnesses. For those who are not familiar with the Jehovah's Witness following, it is a denomination of Christianity that is non-Protestant. They are very strict in their following of the Bible and take it very literally. They have basically the same rules as most Christians with the exception that they do not celebrate holidays besides weddings, anniversaries, and baby showers, and people in their congregation who commit major sins get disfellowshiped (like excommunication in the Catholic church). They consider themselves the one and only true religion/people of God (they refer to themselves as being in "The Truth") and they are encouraged not to associate with "worldly" people. They are not allowed to visit churches and they refer to their place of worship as the Kingdom Hall. They are not allowed to except blood or be blood donors. They are not allowed to vote because they believe that people should not govern other people because only God is the true ruler.

Because my family is divided between the Protestants and the Jehovah's Witnesses, needless to say religion and religious debates are things that arise often in my family. Especially around the holidays.

With that said, I decided that it would be an opportune time to state my own personal beliefs. I have touched base on them before, but I would like to take this time to elaborate.

My Personal Spiritual Doctrine

As I have mentioned in a previous entry, I am non-religious but I am very spiritual. I have a very universal and objective approach to my personal spiritual beliefs. Before I continue this discussion any further, I first would like to clarify the difference between religion and spirituality.

Religion implies that you belong to an organized group of people who have shared spiritual beliefs and interest and who practice certain traditions. Religion emphasizes fellowship. Spirituality, on the other hand, basically implies the recognition of a higher power and an appreciation for religious values. Those who are religious are spiritual but not everyone who is spiritual are religious.

I am a person who is strongly against organized religion. Historically, there has been more blood shed over religion than any thing else including race. It is my opinion that religion is by far the most divisive aspect in life. As stated before, the most volatile countries tend to be the most fanatic about religion. For instance, the UK is majority atheist and they are not deemed as a volatile country. British police officers (or Bobby's as they are called) do not even carry guns. I am not supporting atheism by any means, however, there is striong evidence that suggests religion is just as segregating and violent as race...if not substantially more. Therefore, I just claim myself to be "A Lover of God"...and I do not claim any particular sect of Christianity or any other religion for that matter.

I believe that there is a higher power but that there is a "Natural Order" to everything. All the religious traditions, prophets, and whatnot are what I like to call cultural elements of spiritualism. In the greater scheme of things, they do not matter. Before I continue, I want to re-emphasize that I do believe in God. I am re-emphasizing this because many people assume that if you are not religious then you must be atheist or agnostic. That is so far from the case. If anything, I consider myself to be more spiritual than many of the religious people that I know. I feel a very strong connection to the man upstairs...and I also feel a very strong connection to humanity as a whole (I have God tattooed on my back). Many people may scruntinize me for saying this, but I really believe that the Bible is not a hardcore historical account of anything. I think that the Bible is wrought with "useful fairytales" that, like many great literary works, use symbolism to teach very meaningful lessons. The Bible is a great tool and a great book on how to live life right and create your own happiness but that doesn't mean it should be taknen in its literal sense nor does it mean that everything in it is an actual happening.

To elaborate, I want everyone to think of the game Telephone. The game Telephone teaches us that with a span of less than five minutes, words can get twisted and a completely different message can be delivered to each individual person. Now if that can happen within the span of five minutes and if the majority of people cannont acurately recount what happens day by day, then what makes people think that the Bible should be taken literally where the stories spans over 100s of translations and centuries of storytelling? They do not even have Black history right and that spans not much over three centuries. People often forget that the Bible was inspired by God but it was written by man. Men are not perfect, so nothing that is man-made is perfect.

I forgot where I heard about this or saw this information, but it is my understanding that someone took a Bible verse and read the translation of it in a bunch of different languages. As it turns out, the interpretation of the verse was different in each language. Furthermore, there are many books in the Bible that are unpublished. Why? Who knows. But I must say that even though many countries attempt to separate church and state, in many cases, religion and politics go hand and hand. Back in the day, religion was politics...and political power can be very very corrupt. Because this is a known fact(which much of religion is not), it behooves me as to why people rarely question the validity of religous works. At one point and time, the majority of the world believed in Juno and Zeus. Nowadays, we look at Greek and Roman mythology as entertainment and many of us believe that people who followed mythology were ridiculous. How do we know that we do not look just as foolish? Especially when you think of stories such as Noah's Ark, Joana and the Whale, and the Tower of Babel. How could Noah realistically fit two of every animal in an ark? Why didn't the lions eat the elephants and where the hell did all the animals go to the bathroom for 40 days and 40 nights? Did he put any fish on the boat because I find it hard to believe that the two blue whales would fit anywhere? Is it really feasible and pragmatic to believe that a man was eaten by a whale and survived? Or that people really decided to build a tower to heaven which is thought to be a place out of this world? Back in those days, Mary would have been stoned to death or accused of witchcraft if she went around claiming that she was impregnated by a holy spirit. And I highly doubt that Joseph just automatically accepted the fact that his girlfriend got knocked up by a ghost when he himself never had sex with her.

Once again, I'm not suggesting that people should run out and burn their Bibles. I'm just saying they should read it with objectivity and do not be afraid to question it's validity. The Bible has fables and fables are written to teach valuable lessons. I am using the Bible as an example because I was raised in Christianity. But much of my observations pertaining to the Bible holds true for other religious works. Do not look at the stories as actual historical events. Rather, look to it as a collection of useful symbols that can be applied to everyday life.

I also disagree with the religious notiong that "if you do wrong, you will go to hell and will not receive salvation." I disagree with this because I feel teaching this takes away the emphasis on the actual consequences of your actions. I think that people are less prone to respond to someone who says "Wait to have sex after marriage because it is not pleasing to God and you'll go to Hell." than if they were to preach realistically and say "Wait to have sex after marriage because your dick will fall off since you are taking a greater risk at contracting an STD." It is of my opinion that Hell exists within us. Religious values/rules are set because if we do not follow these rules, we make life harder for ourselves and end up creating and living our own Hell. Not just for ourselves, but for the generations to come. "Hell", "Salvation", are just symbols for "Bad Consequence" and "Happiness". Religion keeps people looking to live for Life after Death, but I feel that God wants us to be happy NOW. Why be concerned with Life after Death when we are living and breathing right now?

I have addressed the religious folk throughout this discussion, now I want to address the atheist and the agnostic. It is hard for me to believe that there is not God at all. Even those who believe in "Big Bang Theory" never address the fact that "Big Bang" could have been an act of God. Furthermore, just thinking the universe just appeared and is as intricate as it is, sounds just as ridiculous as believing that the Bible is a historic account of anything. To me, atheist and the agnostic must not really be observing the world they in...or they really lack appreciation for its intricacies. Everything in life is just too calculated and too precise for there not to be some greater higher force. If the world were tilted just a couple of degrees the wrong way, we all would go spinning into the Sun. If bees did not exist, we would have not flowers because they would have a harder time pollenating. Things like this just don't appear out of nowhere. If life has taught us nothing, it has taught us that to everything there is a creator. Even people themselves are products of their mothers and fathers. As precise and intricate life is, there has to be a creator. Who, what, and how many is a question that probably will never be answered. But there is definitely a creator.

I think people just need to live and practice the true meaning of FAITH. I don't go to church because I have faith that just by following my inner pendulum--my intution--my instinct, I will naturally follow the course that was meant for me. And if I do follow the rules, the likelihood of me makin life harder for myself is very slim. The Bible teaches us that generations do suffer from the sins of those that came before it, so if you are born into a hard life, I hope that you understand that the only way to get out is to follow the rules.

Life is complicated, it is your responsibility to make it work. I just don't think that people should try to make it work by being divisive and participating in things that blind us to seeing the good in each other. Religion gives us a liscense to make judgements, just like race, most of these judgements manifest themselves as pre-judgements. And prejudice is a very, very ugly thing. Prejudice is a symptom of faithlessness. It is a symptom of fear. After all, if someone wants to have sex before they are married, or steals and then gets arrested...what does that have to do with me especially when if I faith in my own convictions? Nothing. So it's just best to keep it movin and let things run their natural course.


Oh yea and just for kicks....

I think that if I ever do decide to hang a picture of Jesus up in my house, it's going to be a picture of a beautiful black man with a big ass afro wearing rags...similiar to a slave...I should have someone draw that.....lol.