Of course one of the biggest issues concerning our community is the need for more male mentors. This is a problem that has been around for many generations. Even though I do recognize the need for more male mentors, I cannot help but feel that because women are so much of the shit, that maybe we need to shift our focus on encouraging female mentors. Yes, men do need to learn to step up but at the same time, they do what they do because we allow them to do it. Therefore, it starts with women. As I wrote in a previous entry, we hold the power. If you teach women to step up their game, men will have no choice but to follow.
The reason why I am discussing this is because lately I have been feeling very discouraged when I look around at all the women in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have much admiration and respect for each and everyone of them. I just sometimes wish that they could see in themselves what I see in them. They may feel that I judge them but in all reality, my criticism stems from the fact that I just want what's best for them. If they don't fight for themselves, then who else will?
Anyways, when it comes to my own personal dealings with men or issues outside of men that pertain to women, I find that I often seek the advice of a homeboy. In the end, I am still left feeling directionless because what the hell do my homeboys know about women shit? I always am left in a position where I have to guess because I know that allowing others to walk all over me (in cases outside of relationships as well) is not an option.
What is being said to young women when an older woman tells them "The only way a relationship will work is if the woman gives up everything for a man."? What is being said to young women when an older woman is focused on learning how to keep her house clean not because she wants it for herself, but because that is the only way she feels she can walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress? What is being said to a young women when an older woman submits to game playin and manipulation tactics to win over someone who is not necessarily down for her? What is being said to a young women when an older woman talks about having sex with a man just so he will not leave her? What does it say to a young woman when an older woman talks about the only way to win a man is to have good punany?
Most importantly....what does all this say to the young men? I know a lot of single mothers that have little boys and half-absent or completely absent baby daddies. I'm just keepin it real so excuse me if I offend anybody by saying this but....by allowing a string of different men into your babies lives, how are men ever going to learn how to act if little boys only see the unqualified men that their mothers bring around? The same question can be asked with those who have daughters.
The biggest lesson that I believe women need to be taught is emotional independence and be adamant about not settling for less than what they want. They need to learn to stop trying to change themselves in order to change men. Rather, they need to learn to change their situations and state of mind. We need to be taught that we are not victims and stop acting like martyrs.
A common school of thought is that in life, you have to learn how to play with the cards you are dealt with. I beg to differ, I think we ladies need to learn that all of us have been dealth a royal flush and the only difference from one person to another is how big the winning pot is (i.e. not everyone is born with a silver spoon).
So ladies, stop going through life as if you are playing a no pair hand. Come to the table of life with a big smirk on your face and be ready to lay your cards down and take what you deserve.
Instead of thinking "you have to play with the cards you are dealt with"...start thinking "I have a royal flush bitches! Fuck you, pay me"
Once you change your state of mind....pass your hand on....
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