Determined to Live My Life as a Simple Bitch!

It is no surprise to all those that know me that I am probably one of the most simple bitches that you know. Comedy Central is my bible, Katt Williams is my preacher, and Ron White is my daddy. I will forever have an adamant addiction to adult cartoons like South Park, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and others that come on adult swim. Sarcasm, wit, humor, and being carelessly blunt hallmark my life. I do not take life seriously and even when it seems as if I am taking life seriously, I am rolling on the floor laughing my ass off on the insides...only close friends know this about me. People who do not know me well usually take me seriously when I'm latently giving them the okey-doke. Even on this blog...

I think I'm one of the few people who wonder "Why is Mr. Crabs daughter a whale and why is he so concerned with the Crusty Crab flooding when she cries if they live in the water?"

Anyways, staying true to character, and embracing the simpleton that I am...I have decided to CHANGE MY NAME!!! I am a non-committal person and me and the name that I have carried for the last 23 years have been together waaaayyyy too long. I am getting bored with being Courtney Nichole Thompson.

So what randomly brought this on? Well, surprisingly it was not that random. I have always wanted to change my name. Don't ask me why, I really do not have a real reason...at least not until now.

The reason why I never actually went through a name change was because 1) I had too much shit surrounding school in my name and 2) I thought that it would be kind of ridiculous to answer "because I just felt like it" when people ask me "Bitch, what the hell possessed you to change your name?".

I am in a transition period in my life, so what the hell...might as well go for it. It can't hurt...especially for a free spirited person like me. If all else fails, I'll change it back. Whateva Chedda.

So I have come up with a really lame reason for changing my name, but it is a reason none-the-less.

A friend of mine recently found out she was pregnant and we decided to look up baby names. We happened to stumble upon the website Kabalarian Philosophy in our search for a baby name. I really do not know much about this shit, but I am guessing it is something like numerology or something crazy. Anyways, it basically tells you how your name effects your personality and your life. Coincidentally, we happened to stumble upon this site when they were giving away free name reports (which stops on July 20th). So...because I can never turn down anything free and I do have a latent interest in occultish type things (I am a Scorpio), I ordered it.

Turns out, my name sucks....correction, it's more middle of the road and I hate being the middle of the road. In response, I have ordered free reports for names that I think I may want to change my name to. I'm changing my middle name to Courtney and I'm keeping my last name. That way, people can still call me what they've been calling me.

We will see how this plays out....

Oh yeah...if anybody cares, I have pasted the report below:

"
Your First Most Used Name

Your name, Courtney, makes you clever, proficient, and analytical. You could be
inventive along practical, mechanical lines. Your natural skepticism is overcome
only through factual detail and logical proof. You are independent and positive in
opinion, original in your thinking, and a stickler for logic and reason. Drawn into
hard work and detail, at times you long for new experiences and adventure. Any
new undertaking holds appeal, but you tend to attract limited opportunities that
involve considerable monotony and result in feelings of repression and
frustration. Challenges hold your interest, but once your interest wanes, you
switch to something else, leaving your undertakings unfinished. You have an
inquisitive, investigative mind and a curiosity about life, along with an interest in
scientific matters.

You tend to live your ideas day and night, or else lose interest completely. You
cannot be pushed or driven, responding instead with great effort if you are
approached with proper consideration. Good manners, reliability, and honesty are
important to you, and you expect them in others. As you never forget an injustice,
it is difficult for you to forgive and forget. You take life seriously and tend to be
matter-of-fact and practical in your outlook, following established routines most
of the time.

Efficiency is critical to you, however, there are times when your over-exacting
and meticulous ways create misunderstandings. Lack of attention to details by
others can be very frustrating. You must guard against becoming satirical and
contemptuous, thereby creating bitter experiences in personal relationships. Your
changing moods make it difficult for others to respond to you appropriately. You
are not overly conversational unless there is something to learn from the
conversation. Social chitchat does not appeal to your practical nature.
Although you tend to champion causes and want to help others who are in lessfortunate
circumstances, you are not overly sympathetic nor forgiving. In fact,
you feel awkward and self-conscious when put in delicate situations, as you feel
your inability to be as diplomatic as you should be. You cannot stand ridicule nor
appreciate a joke at your expense.

You have strong likes and dislikes and often respond to hunches. Your first
impressions of situations or people are usually accurate, although there are times
when you are too naïve, causing you to trust people who then let you down.
The intensity created by the use of this name creates stomach and intestinal
disorders such as ulcers, growths, or constipation.

Your Surname

Your surname of Thompson creates a very friendly, happy, and spontaneous
family of people. They love parties, social activities, and entertaining. They are
artistic, musical, and creative, and respond to inspirational and
spur-of-the-moment experiences. They dislike system, order, routine, or
monotony, and are spendthrifty; it is difficult for them to save. They are very
self-expressive and their home life is usually in a commotion, for they are always
stirring up excitement and playing pranks on one another. They can be extremely
expressive and say things just for the sake of an argument and thoroughly enjoy
the humour and fun it creates. However, this name can cause emotional outbursts
and hurt feelings; thus they must learn to control their impulsive and emotional
nature. They forgive and forget easily, and display their feelings very quickly.
Love is their motivating force and they are very affectionate, giving, and
inspirational. They are not practical or interested in mathematics, unless their
other names bring out this influence. They basically lack self-discipline and
dislike self-denial. Although this name creates a happy, friendly family of people,
it destroys stability and accumulation. They can be over-emotional and indulge
their appetites, and thus have an overheated bloodstream, causing skin conditions,
liver problems, and emotional desires.

Your Combined Name

The combined names Courtney Thompson create a desire to be financially
independent, and an interest in economics and business affairs. However, with
this combination you do not realize the fulfilment of your ideals, even though you
enjoy a measure of financial stability and success. Just when opportunities seem
to be coming your way, you are overlooked in favour of someone else. You are
taken away from association with people and experience much aloneness. You
could experience health problems affecting the heart and lungs.

Your Business Signature

The business signature of Courtney Nichole Thompson takes you into
circumstances where you work independently in a leadership way, pioneering for
the benefit of others. You have to work hard with limited resources, facilities,
and conditions. This signature restricts your financial success by requiring you to
put far more into an enterprise than you get out of it, with the benefits of your
efforts going to someone else.

Your Other First Name(s)

Your name Nini has given you an idealistic nature with a desire to help others.
Your initiative often causes you to be the first to act when you see a need. Your
desire to help also makes you generous, sympathetic, and loyal in your
friendships. Since you are impressionable and receptive, you feel the misfortunes
of others very keenly. However, this name makes it awkward for you to express
your deeper thoughts and feelings with finesse and diplomacy to the extent that
your candid, sometimes blunt, manner of speaking creates misunderstandings
with others. Although you know what is expected of you, you feel awkward and
embarrassed when drawn into delicate situations that require extreme tact.
Because of this lack of verbal expression, you experience inner feelings of
frustration and repression which can cause you to retaliate.
This name creates a dual quality in that at times, you are compassionate and
understanding and, at other times, unyielding and strong willed. Being somewhat
self-centred, you learn through your own experiences, as you rarely take advice
from others. Yet, you are sensitive and very easily hurt and offended. You long
for praise and appreciation for your efforts, but others find it difficult to
understand you. If you perceive you are being taken advantage of, you can
become overly critical and complaining. On the other hand, when understood, you
can be very charming and affectionate, as you respond quickly to kindness and
sympathy.

You dislike monotony and system and enjoy being creative in an inventive way
whether it be in interior decorating, music, art, crafts, or other endeavours that
require versatility and skill. You enjoy working with your hands. You are imaginative and visionary, somewhat of a perfectionist, yet the results of your
efforts often fall short of your high expectations. A leadership position appeals to
you because you would enjoy directing others rather than being directed.
Being impulsive, you make hasty decisions, which you often regret after you
experience the results.

Your feelings are strong and you tend to react intensely to situations. This name
tends to create a quick temper, mostly because an inability to express your
thoughts and feelings with clarity leaves you feeling tongue-tied. The tension and
frustration resulting from this restriction could cause you to suffer with severe
headaches or sinus problems.

Because of your sensitive nervous system, over-stress and extreme tiredness could
cause nervous disorders, seizures, fainting, or dizziness. You could also
experience head tension such as headaches, weak eyes, or throat problems.

Your name of Court to the extent that you use it creates a very restless, active,
and versatile nature. You dislike monotony, system, or routine, and crave
independence, freedom of thought, action, and opportunities for change and
travel. Life is a challenge to you; anything that is new and different catches your
interest and you will devote time and effort until you have the satisfaction of
figuring it out, but once the challenge is over you are on to something new. You
have a humanitarian side to your nature and could be a champion of the underdog,
for you dislike injustice. Often you speak too directly and can create
misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You have attracted many disappointments
with people because you take them at their word and will often be let down. This
causes you to take a defensive attitude and you could become cynical. You enjoy
outdoor activities. You like to be individual and dislike doing what everyone else
does, just for the sake of association. With keen analytical ability, you seek truth
and appreciate knowing the reason "why". However, you are far too intense and
emotional and experience problems in your nervous system, tension in the
stomach and solar plexus, as well as uncontrolled speech. When depressed you
suffer with moods through self-pity.

Quorda is not a good name to use for it destroys creative ability, imagination and
depth of thought. It makes you a very practical, hard working person. Other
people find it difficult to get along with you because you are so set in your
opinions. You find it hard to show any warmth towards others. You show an
interest in the technical aspect of things. If anything mechanical needs fixing, you
are quite capable of fixing it. Your desire for heavy foods (meat and starches) can
result in constipation, ulcers, and intestinal growths.

Your name of Nichole creates a happy-go-lucky, idealistic, easy-going, but
over-emotional nature. If this name is used to any extent, you would be inclined to
take the easy way out. To smooth over any unpleasant situation, you prefer to
evade the issue rather than hurt others. You find it hard to save your finances;
money slips through your fingers quickly because you enjoy a good time and
others can influence you to part with your money. You create a good impression
by your appearance and your charming personality. You are naturally drawn to
people and love to converse with them. You enjoy social events and relaxed, easy
living, without pressures. This name causes you to lack system, order, and
concentration, making it difficult for you to follow through with your intentions
and live up to your commitments. Through over indulgence you could suffer with
skin or liver problems, an overheated bloodstream, or fluid troubles such as
overweight, kidney problems, or varicose veins.

Your Other Combined Name(s)

Your full name of Nini Thompson gives you the desire for creative outlets, for
much sociability, and for opportunities to give to and share with others. Although
you want active conditions and variety in your life, you are constantly dealing
with mundane, monotonous details. You are taken into surroundings where much
hard work is required of you, but you receive little in proportion to your efforts.
You can make progress through much perseverance and taking advantage of the
limited opportunities that do come your way. The successes you have are the
result of focused efforts. Seldom do favourable conditions come your way. Any
health weaknesses would show in skin, liver, or stomach problems.

Your Other Business Signature(s)

To the extent that you use the business signature of CNT, you are drawn into
situations where there is the need to give of yourself to help others. You attract
positions that require a great deal of individual effort with limited resources,
physical comforts, or conveniences. Invariably, you put more into an enterprise or
venture than you gain from it. The benefits usually go to someone else. You
pioneer many efforts, working hard, but just when you begin to make headway, or
have your goal in sight, someone else takes advantage of the situation to reap the
rewards that should be yours. There is little opportunity to draw upon, either in
your work environment or from personal contacts. This signature would not bring
you the financial accumulation you deserve.

To the extent that you use the business signature of Courtney Nichole, it would
bring you a degree of financial stability and success, but your expectations and
ambitions would not be fully realized. Your work environment draws you into
positions where contact with others is restricted with the result that your efforts
and capabilities are not fully recognized or rewarded. Opportunities or
advancement that you wait for all too often go to someone else.
Misunderstandings frequently arise in your business dealings making it difficult to
negotiate the most favourable terms, or bring arrangements to a fully successful
conclusion."

Just Thinkin: Still Up...

This weekend was really great and for some reason I get more energized when everything in my life is all gravy (or at least close to it). I actually tend to sleep more when things are not going my way and tend to be a lot more restless when things are going my way. Hence, the reason for the late night blog entry. I'll just type my thoughts as they come....

It seems that my late graduation was not in vain! Lol. Apparently everyone and their mama is making a come back to Bmore. I'm not complaining....after all, the more the merrier. I was a little scared after turning down a job offer and sticking by the decision to return home. Many people looked at me as if I was crazy, but I know what works for me. I am a person who will always have my priorities straight and I will stick by it no matter what. That has been the key to my success and I undoubtedly believe it will always be that way. I believe that the most successful (and happiest) people are those who stay true to who they are and stay focused on their long-term goals. Of course I want to have financial stability and a glamorous, well-respected job....but fulfilling that in the short-term by taking the job that I was offered would have got in the way of things that I plan to get done in the long run.

I want it all, and to get it all the first rule is 1) to learn patience and 2) to make smart decisions regardless of all the noise surrounding you (be it negative or positive). I do not believe the best way to happiness and financial success is to work for other people...and given this day and age with the economy the way it is, if you are going to work for anybody, it better be the government. I have always preached that people should invest in themselves and invest in their community. And that is exactly what I'm doing now. I am working on a couple of projects...some hopefully lucrative and one that is non-profit. I'll probably expand on this in a later entry particularly when these projects have made a little more headway. But I'm excited.

I must admit that I have been moving a lot more slowly regarding which direction I'm headed than I usually do. I guess because up until a couple of weeks ago I temporarily lost my motivation. Primarily due to the fact that I just graduated and was enjoying the break. But, break is over. It was fun while it lasted, but I was never comfortable sitting still. I am currently working but I'm not staying where I'm at very long...and I still consider my current job a part of my "break" considering it's just something I took for some extra cash.

Anyways, I usually cut people off around News Years or the beginning of Spring but I feel it is about that time again. Primarily because I am in a transition period in my life. I know of five friends who recently have not been holding up their end. Two of which I absolutely love to death and are a little surprised by them...regardless, they are still good people but I have realized that our priorities differ and our friendship has just about run its course. The remaining three, our friendship ran its course a long time ago...it is most definitely time for the ship to sail.

The funny thing is, as soon as I make the conscious decision to put them in my back pocket, they will inevitably start hitting my phone up. For some reason, that always happens. I'm getting a little too old for casualty. Casual relationships with people have always been my hallmark. But it is about time that I stop looking at people as stepping stones toward a certain goal and start really looking at them.

I feel like I'm in a building mode. As much as I value freedom and independence, it is time for me to start laying solid foundations toward building security...financial and emotional. Setting a foundation is tedious and boring, especially for someone who is preoccupied like me. But, if I want the life that crave, I have to do what I got to do. The more I see the value in it, the less of a task it will be. Surprisingly, I thought seeing the value in pulling back my freedom and independence and having patience was going to be an impossible lesson for me, but my life is headed in a direction that I never thought it would go...and for that, I'm thankful. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it will continue to go this way. Of course, their will be bumps in the road...but I think that I'm prepared for it.

In other news, I think that I saw Mr. Snake Guy the other day. I'm 90% certain that it was him. I always thought what would happen if I ever ran into him. Since Maryland does not seem to be that big of a place and everybody in some way, shape, or form knows everybody else, I was almost certain that we would run into each other. Blah! I could never decide if I should be cordial or if I should be a bitch. Truthfully, I really would just want to ignore him and keep it movin...not because I'm angry but I'm really just that far removed. Anyways, I saw him and did not bother to get his attention. I just smiled on the inside, laughed to myself, and thought "thank god that's over." And in those very few seconds of seeing him, I picked up on his swag and could not help but think "what in the hell did I see in that dude? Courtney, what were you on?"

What would be even funnier is if the dude that I thought was him wasn't really him. It makes you kind of wonder how many people have you been someone else to. I wonder if anyone has ever saw me thinking that I was someone they knew, ran back home and called someone and said "Guess who the fuck I saw today? You know Cassandra is looking awfully good these days". I wonder how many strangers have me in their pictures somewhere in the background, looking at my toes.

I have learned a lot about life within the past five weeks....probably more so than I have learned in my whole life. Or maybe I'm just smarter now and less hardheaded. It doesn't take much for me to learn a lesson.

I find that I'm still having a hard time dealing with issues of my past. I feel like I'm a private person with many skeletons in my closet. People do not really know me and on some level, I'm pretty sure that I'm a big ass question mark. I think people assume a lot of things about me because I really give them no choice but to fill in the blanks as to who I am and what has made me me. I am not really private just for privacy's sake, I think that on some level, I am afraid to be judged. I liked being looked at as the smart, college girl who has her life together. I liked being looked at as practical and drama-free. I wonder how people's opinion of me would change if they knew that I used to pop pills on the regular, I've tried LSD and Coke. My life has been fraught with trauma.

I have grown to become a very optimistic person, but I feel that if anyone was to ask me about my life experiences they may get the impression that I'm negative. Because as much as do not want to admit it, in my 23 years, I've had more bad days than good ones. Who wants to talk to someone who keeps bringing up bad stories. I have a lot of crazy, random, absolutely hilarious stories to tell as well. But, I feel like I've told all of them a thousand times over. I think that it is time for me to take the risk and unleash the skeletons. I need to have a little bit more faith in people. I think that is the biggest aspect of myself that I am currently working on. I is very hard because traumatic things stick with you...and with many people, trauma last a lifetime. People really do not understand that it really skews your perspective on many things. It is like walking through life being hearing impaired and without a hearing aid. You have to kind of figure out and some times guess what people are actually saying to you because a valuable sense has been messed up. It is very easy for you to misunderstand people and even easier for people to misunderstand you.

But I'm working on adding a hearing aid to my life. I've been working on it. And even though I'm still latently affected by many things in my past, I am determined to get the hell over it. I mean seriously...the shit is annoying.

Anyways, I'm finally sleepy has all hell.

Nighty Nite

Just 4 Kicks: Cartomancy

So given my habit to talking to random people....I was sitting at the DMV the other day and this chic beside me started talking to me. I'm overly outgoing so I welcomed the conversation even though the chic was a little freaky. But whateva...to each its own. Anyways, the chic was telling me something about cartomancy. I still have really no idea what the hell it is....it seems to me that it is similiar to tarot or something but instead of using tarot cards, you actually use a real playing cards. I do not really believe in it, but it was a good and interesting way to pass away the time at the DMV. I let the chic do a reading and felt that it would be fun to post it. Once again, I want to reemphasize that I do not believe in this stuff...it's just for fun. Oh yeah, I told her that I just wanted her to pull the cards and not interpret it. I just wanted her to let me know if it was a good reading or a bad reading. Even though I do not believe in it, a part of me still appreciates the unexpected and I must say I do not have any interests in finding out weather or not I'll be hit by a bus tomorrow.


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